Unsurprisingly, the more attractive you find a woman, the worse this effect is and the stupider you will sound when talking to her. The scientists didn't go so far as to say what everyone was thinking (that the effect is caused by blood flowing away from your brain and directly to your junk), but women suffered no such memory lapses at all when tested after chatting with handsome studs like you.

However, one of the scientists did say the difference could be down to the fact that women are interested in things other than looks while men are "reproductively focused," which is a much more tactful, scientific way of saying, "Dudes get easily distracted by the thought of boning."

...hold seminars on how to reel in women by acting like you don't like them. And dressing like a douchebag.

But research shows there is a least a little bit of a factual basis behind their bullshit. In his book The Game, journalist Neil Strauss entered the world of the pick-up artist and learned one important thing: Women like men who ignore them. According to his experience, your best bet at getting a girl is walking up to her group and completely ignoring her, while chatting away to her less attractive friends.

Even if those friends are men.

We would write that off under our normal rule of "don't believe anything that is also believed by a man in a furry tophat" (and it's saved our lives more than once), but another study came up with hard numbers.

The dating site OKCupid.com actually went through their database of pictures men had submitted, and tracked how many contacts each yielded. They studied 7,000 photos and determined that men who didn't look directly at the camera in their profile pictures received more messages on average than men who did. About 50 percent more, in fact, if said picture combined the looking away with an expression of disinterest (smiling drove down the effect some, but still not as much as eye contact).

See? No eye contact.

No word on how many of those messages were from cam show robots, but still. Now, obviously you can't take this to its logical extreme ("I'll get tons of women if I just never get within 10 miles of one! That's the ultimate expression of disinterest!") because clearly the men in the study were also expressing the fact that they were looking for a mate (or else they wouldn't be on OKCupid). So it's not about total disinterest. The data suggests it's about somehow showing that you're interested, but not in her.

So you've tried it the pick-up artist way, but quickly found that sitting in the corner acting like you don't like women failed to score you any tail. (And you peacocked it out with that feather boa and everything!) But you have a trick up your sleeve: Your sextastic dance moves. After all, dudes have been getting girls this way for thousands of years!

Come on, Rightie... just a few inches lower.

When you finally get drunk enough to hit the dance floor, in your mind, you're Fred Astaire-ing the shit out of the place. Unfortunately, what you're actually doing is some bizarre alt-new wave version of the robot that has every girl in the room pointing and staring open-mouthed. And not in a good way. But it's OK, because deep in your heart you know one day a girl, hopefully one who looks kind of like Zooey Deschanel, will realize your dancing just means you're a quirky free spirit and she'll have quirky, free spirited sex with you.

Fifty years later, you die alone.

What the Hell Happened?!

Dancing is a high-risk venture. Yes, there's a reason why dance clubs are usually just an orgy waiting to happen. But if you dance badly, you'd have been better off staying far away.

Scientists say if you suck at dancing, it signals to women that you're a bad mating partner. It's a subconscious sign that your testosterone levels are lower than average, which means you're not up to a lady's baby-making standards. And your awkward moves on the dance floor may have evolved as a neon flashing sign to warn women to steer clear of you and your inferior DNA.

Not evolutionarily fit.

This effect only increases as you get older. The awkward "dad dancing" you've seen at every wedding you've ever been to and during that season that Taylor Hicks won American Idol? Those guys were probably John Travolta clones in the 70s and moonwalking in the 80s. But now that they're past their prime sexually, they can't even do the electric slide without it turning into a raucous display of awkwardness and sprained ankles.

Seriously, it's not a risk worth taking. Before you bust out the moves this weekend, get yourself to a fertility clinic. If your sperm count is below 60 million/ml then skip the dancing and just chill at the bar.

Or go where everybody is too drugged up to care.

Words like "sexy," "beautiful" and "hot" made a woman much less likely than average to respond to your initial overtures. Meanwhile attempting to show interest in her by mentioning some of her pastimes, favorite things, etc. resulted in a much higher than average response.

Keep that in mind if you ever get the chance to chat up Megan Fox. Don't tell her she's gorgeous. Talk about all the other things you know she's into like bad acting, terrible tattoos and not wearing a lot of clothes. She'll be yours in no time.

Don't forget, "being shinier than a G.I. Joe."

We really hate to say it but women are scientifically proven to like "bad boys." Apparently there is something called the "dark triad" (dibs on the band name) of personality traits that still exist and even flourish in humans despite the fact that, evolutionarily, they are bad for the continuation of the species.

They include exploitation, thrill-seeking/callous behavior and self-obsession. Since people like this are assholes, science dictates that they should have been bred out of the gene pool a long time ago. Of course, they weren't. And it's because the ladies love bad boys. Scientists found that the higher a man scored on the "dark triad" (seriously, that name is the shit) scale the more sex partners he had had and the more likely he was to be looking for short flings.

Assholes have all the fun.

Basically, while they won't make great long term partners, for thousands of years women have been engaging in one night stands with "bad boys," getting knocked up and prolonging not only the suffering of man but also the use of Axe Body Spray.

You hear that ladies? The self-centered, destructive jerks of the world are all your fault. Try using some self control once in a while. Or, at the very least, a condom.

Everyone here is looking for a date. There is no way you can strike out. Yet every woman you approach smiles, then glances at your name tag and suddenly turns away. You haven't even said anything yet! What could you POSSIBLY have done to turn her off this time?!

What the Hell Happened?!

You can blame your parents for this one. Apparently, your first name can drastically influence how successful you are and, yes, even how attractive people consider you. According to a study of 6,000 people, men named Michael, James and David are the clear winners, with all three placing in the top ten for Most Successful, Luckiest, and yes, Most Attractive names. George and Paul on the other hand? Well, just resign yourselves to a life of minimum wage jobs, accidents and loneliness (unless you're a Beatle, apparently).

Your best bet is to go for women named Anne, who suffer from the same horrible affliction as you: uglynameitis.

YOU SICKEN ME.

These scientists are totally serious. One even wrote a book that includes a section helping you change your name as an adult in order to reverse all the misfortune your parents unknowingly saddled you with. So to all the Georges out there, simply start answering to Ryan and the ladies will come flocking.

Shit. It's true.

In the event that you do find yourself on the verge of sealing the deal, make sure you've read these first: 9 Awesome Places to Have Sex (And the Horrific Consequences) and 7 Kama Sutra Sex Tips That Will Put You In The Hospital.

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