To the Customers Who Ordered The Upcycled Surprise
This was pretty cynical, and if I hadn't made all that money from it, I would feel a bit guiltier about it. (Money can buy some small amount of happiness, it seems.) The "exciting and surprising upcycled craft sure to excite and surprise!" I promised to sell you, illustrated by this picture ...
... wasn't in fact the nice reclaimed wood table you might have anticipated. It was the bag of garbage in the background. I'm not apologizing for that, actually; reclaimed wood tables cost a hell of a lot more than $90, and sure, that's a lot to pay for a full bag of garbage (contents may have settled in transit), but in my defense, you're an idiot who deserved no better.
No, what I'm actually apologizing for is the few of you who haven't received yours yet. I can only generate a couple Upcycled Surprises a week, and even though I've tried to be more wasteful lately, tossing out lots of unused dairy and fish such, I still have a couple month backlog of orders to clear.