7

Lincoln Bedroom

Trick: Ollie to Heelflip to Nosegrind across back of slipper chair (foreground) to Kickflip.

Difficulty: 3

Offensiveness to the American Spirit: 4 Weeping Bald Eagles

This one can be done at low speed and follows the basic kickflip to grind to kickflip combo that is the bread and butter of the Tony Hawk games. Although the great emancipator never lived to see the invention of skateboards, historians widely agree he would be appreciative of technical street skating in this form.

6

White House Bowling Alley

5

Rose Garden

Trick: While dressed as Spiderman, Ollie to 360 Melon over the President during a summertime event.

Difficulty: 8

Offensiveness to the American Spirit: 8 Weeping Bald Eagles

A fairly straightforward trick, complicated by having to hope that Secret Service personal don't interfere with a man in pajamas hurtling towards the Commander in Chief.

4

Situation Room

3

Grand Staircase

Trick: Wallride to Bluntside (on banister) to Ollie to Tailgrab to SMASH THE CHANDELIER!!!!

Difficulty: 6

Offensiveness to the American Spirit: 0 Weeping Bald Eagles

Although this staircase is used regularly for formal White House gatherings and ceremonies, chandeliers are a decidedly French invention, so their destruction is considered a positive benefit for the American Spirit.

2

Oval Office

Trick: Nose Manual to MANUAL THE PRESIDENTIAL SEAL!!!! to Ollie to Overcrook (on Resolute desk) to Ollie to Varial Heelflip to STOMP THE PRESIDENTIAL SEAL!!!!

Difficulty: 4

Offensiveness to the American Spirit: 9 Weeping Bald Eagles

Not a lot to work with in the Oval Office, given its odd shape and lack of grindable edges. Disrespecting the Presidential Seal twice in one combo is probably the savviest play here, but advanced skaters/anarchists might want to work in a wallride across the portrait of Washington on the back wall somehow. Historians agree Washington was an old man, and would have hated skateboarders.

1

The Whole Shebang

Trick: Starting in the Jacqueline Kennedy Ceremonial Garden, face towards the East Wing and get a huge amount of speed. Ollie to Wallride to Ollie to Wallride to Ollie to Nosegrind across the roof edge of the East Colonnade. From there, Ollie to Manual on the roof, hit the secret Dan Quayle quarter pipe to the roof of the Executive Residence. Grind along the roof of the Executive Residence, knocking down Secret Service Snipers. On the far side, Ollie down to the West Colonnade, landing in a Manual. Ollie to a grind on the edge of the roof of the West Wing until you reach the roof above the Oval Office. Jump onto the oddly textured spot in the middle of the roof to crash down into the Oval Office, stomping the Presidential Seal, again. Shake hands with the President to complete the trick.

Difficulty: 10

Offensiveness to American Spirit: 100 Weeping Bald Eagles

Completing this trick will require much practice and a bit of luck, but if correctly pulled off, will prod Congress into renaming Flag Day into Tony Hawk Day.