In his Twitter feed, Tony Hawk was unrepentant, pointing out that he caused no damage. Technically, he did less harm than the time Elvis clogged the White House toilet, an event I just made up right now, but which sounds plausible enough to be true. Hawk did little more than skate in a straight line down a well-trafficked hallway and perform a Manual, a simple trick which would involve no chance of damaging the property. Unless I was doing it, in which case I would almost certainly obliterate my teeth and a nearby vase of some importance.
But if we take as given that a Manual is an acceptable trick to perform while skateboarding in the White House, does that mean there are unacceptable tricks? Are they unacceptable because of their chance for causing damage, or their potential for freaking out squares? Using Google Image Search and the knowledge of skateboarding I earned from a semester playing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2, I've ranked the following White House skateboarding tricks in terms of difficulty and offensiveness to the American spirit--as measured in weeping bald eagles.