I don't trust the geoduck, for one very important reason: It's spelled wrong. How do you exist when you're spelled wrong? And it's not like the one girl in your poli-sci class who insists her name is spelled Sheye'Ahnn; it's a whole species of c**k monster that's spelled wrong. How do you get "gooey duck" (which is the way it's pronounced) out of "geoduck"?
I read that the name comes from a Salish word that sounds more like "gooey duck" than "geoduck" seems to, but nowhere along the string of explanation does anyone say why they chose to spell it wrong.
The other issue with a geoduck is how it seems like demon c**k:
"Your mother sucks us in hell."
Not normal dong at all, not like when your junk is hanging low and lazy on a summer's day and you're drinking a sweet Fresca because you're a man and this is what men do. It looks like the dick prosthetic you'd find in a Gwar video. It would talk and call you names. Maybe bite you.
For those not familiar, a geoduck is a clam that's hung like a horse, pretty much literally. Alternately, it's a horse dick that got bit off by a clam who still hasn't let go. I guess it depends on how you view the world. Cute, right? Only if you like horse dick.
So the geoduck lives in the mud and extends its boner self up through the mud and sucks plankton down its pee hole for a treat, then hucks out waste through another hole. It can sell for well over $100 a pound in China, and apparently it has a crunchy texture. I've never tasted it, but threatening me with a crunchy texture is a good way to ensure I never will. Meat shouldn't have a crunchy texture. Especially dick meat.