Molon LAME, is more like it.
But there's a certain ring of logic to the premise: A vast army of patriotic gun owners might provide a check to the government. Forty-four million armed angry people (minimum) could threaten the military, even in this age of flying murderbots and boat-mounted lasers. Alas, this grand army of tyranny-hating middle-aged white dudes rests on one flimsy premise: the idea that "gun owners" are a unified block.
But gun owners are just about as divided as the general population. There's no silent, unified army lying in wait for Obama's mad campaign of moderate health-care reform to finally go one step too far. About 55 percent of Republicans own guns, as do 40 percent of Democrats. Oddly enough, this represents a high point in gun ownership among Democrats. Our soldiers tend to mirror the country: Half of them don't give a fuck about politics, and the other half split pretty evenly between the two parties.
Marco di Lauro / Stringer / Getty
"I support whichever party gives me more Xbox time and less getting-shot-at time."
Gun owners don't even agree on gun control: The NRA loudly opposes universal background checks, but the vast majority of actual people with guns sees no problems with making sure the dude buying a Glock doesn't have a restraining order or history of schizophrenia. Eighty-five percent of all households support universal background checks, including 74 percent of NRA households.
"OK," I hear you ask in the half-Swedish, half-deaf-Portuguese-woman voice I attribute to all my readers, "if most gun owners aren't hiding out in the woods shooting at cutouts of U.N. peacekeepers, why won't you let us ban assault weapons already? Those aren't useful for anything but war."
Ted Aljibe / AFP / Getty
And certain species of duck.