Now, I know what you're thinking: "But the robots are identical! What if they try to switch places, and the evil British one fakes the American accent?"
Oh, you weren't thinking that? It hadn't occurred to you at all? You're thinking about log cabins?
Where do we find you people?
If You're Going to Try and Engineer a Bioweapon, At Least Don't Make It Worse Than the BioWeapon You Already Have
Hi, David. I imagine by now every single member of the Covenant's crew is either dead or has been tricked into hypersleep by you, the only intelligent person in this whole movie. So this last tip is for you:
If you're going to use the Alien Engineer's black-goo technology to make a new race of killer aliens, at least don't make the monsters less effective than they already are? I mean, the pale dog-alien thing that can headbutt through glass and can infect you without you even realizing it seems a lot more scary and dangerous than the thing that burst out of Billy Crudup's chest and immediately started to raise-tha-roof. And that alien, by the way, is a lot tougher than the aliens we meet later in the Sigourney Weaver movies. Seems like your experiments are just making everything lamer. Seems like you're kinda bad at what you do.
Maybe don't mess with a good thing? Maybe just leave it alone? You know what they say: "Curiosity killed the cat." In fact, you should say that out loud during the movie, especially since it's the core theme of the entire franchise. And don't worry about being too on-the-nose -- in space, no one can hear a theme.
JF Sargent is a senior editor and columnist for Cracked and a huge, huge, huge fan of all the Alien movies (even Resurrection!). Give him a shouty-shout on Twitter or Facebook.
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