Movie sex scenes are strange to me. With few exceptions, they rarely advance the plot in any significant way and we don't learn anything from them. They're also almost always filmed differently from the rest of the movie. Like, you'll be watching a standard comedy or action film and as soon as we get into a sex scene, we get a softly lit, montage-heavy bit that is visually indistinguishable from a softcore porn.

Columbia Pictures
Two shots from the same movie, somehow.

It's weird. It'd be like inserting a bizarre, black-and-white art house film of flowers blooming in slow motion in the middle of a big, dumb action movie.

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From Terry Gilliam's Furious 7.

Sex scenes in general have always felt like a cheap excuse to see a famous person naked. They're the scenes I used to love because I used to be a 13-year-old boy, but now they're gratuitous, filler scenes that occupy screentime on Game Of Thrones that could otherwise be filled with goddamn dragons.

So, in this Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder (above), I watched and rewatched a bunch of movie sex scenes, from the boner-chomping insanity of Bram Stoker's Dracula to the terrifying forced bestiality of Teen Wolf.

The only scene I wanted to include but didn't was from Nothing In Common, a Tom Hanks and Jackie Gleason movie from the '80s. I watched that movie when I was a kid, and I'm almost positive there's a scene where Tom Hanks and a woman fall in love that is undercut with two horses fucking romantically. It's possible that I'm remembering that wrong, and if I AM wrong, I never want to know about it, so I refused to rewatch the movie, opting instead to hold onto my memory forever.