Isn't it a shame that modern consoles did away with in-person multiplayer? Those were, without question, some of the most fun times I've had while gaming. I still have an annual Blitz night, where all of my friends come over, I plug in the N64, and we think up creative new swears for each other. Here's the bill for the last one:
The whole evening is capped off with some ill-advised betting, a sprawling fistfight, and lots of inappropriate sobbing. It's the best time I have all year. But, as gamers love to point out, the practice just doesn't exist anymore -- everything's online, and getting called racial slurs by strangers just doesn't have the same appeal. You really have to look into a man's eyes when you tell him that he sucks dog cocks for pesos in Tijuana, otherwise it comes across as an insult.
But anybody that complains about the death of couch multiplayer is missing one very big, very obvious thing: Nintendo.
Every time you lament the lack of couch multiplayer in modern consoles, Nintendo sheds a single lonely tear and retires to a brightly colored, mushroom-shaped shack to dry their eyes with tissues emblazoned with cute little cartoon penguins. Nintendo has always been the best at in-person multiplayer, and it's still like 90 percent of what they do. If you miss couch multiplayer, buy a Wii U. At some point during Blitz night, everybody gets too drunk to read what the plays are, and we switch to the new Mario Kart so we have a reason not to talk to each other for another year. You measure a really good in-person multiplayer gaming experience in scars and ruined friendships, and the Wii U supplies plenty of both.
Such a good game. I don't talk to my brother anymore. Blue shell motherfucker.
It's true that PlayStations and Xboxes don't have much in-person multiplayer, but most of those games are first-person shooters. Do we really want split-screen back? Before you answer, plug your old gaming system into your fancy new flatscreen and fire up a split-screen shooter. Give four-way GoldenEye a shot -- it's damn near unplayable now. I don't know if that's because of something in modern TVs, if we've just gotten used to being able to actually see what we're doing, or if it was all down to the ol' whiskey-vision, but split-screen multiplayer shooters are damn hard to get back into. Do not mourn their passing because you had fun with them in the past -- at one point you had fun playing in your own feces, but you outgrew it.