Also, whether because of genetics or society or whatever, women tend to be more comfortable holding in anger, while men tend to need to act on it. I don't think this is necessarily something to be proud of, as some people speculate that this is why women are more prone to depression than men. But it does mean there could be 100 women silently stewing about this for every one that lashes out.
"I wish he could just read my mind and know that I think he is a moron with bad taste."
The combination of shame and societal conditioning to hold in the anger is probably good news for the Nice Girl's "victims," though. She's probably less likely to try some of the more terrifying stalker behaviors and less likely to confront the guy that "owes" her a relationship. Nobody wants to get the nickname "Fatal Attraction."
Nobody Could Straighten Me Out
A lot of people told me I was wrong and tried to help me, but I bravely refused to listen.
Think about what I would have had to give up if I admitted they were right. Remember that in my worldview, I was this last bastion of integrity in a society of giggling airheads and shallow men, willing to be myself and say what I thought, despite what it cost me.
If this was wrong, I would have had to admit to myself that I had been wasting my goddamn life. That I was the dupe, believing lies about how refusing to respect other people's decisions is heroic faithfulness. That guys didn't want to date me because nobody likes to date sour, superior jerks, and that's exactly what I was.
I had to take off this exoskeleton that'd been keeping me propped up so long that what was inside was basically jelly.
Use your imagination and pretend it's blood jello.
The only way I was finally able to back down was, counterintuitively, people being kind and supportive to me about other, unrelated things. This way, I had something to fall back on when I lost the high horse of "nobody will date me because I'm too special." When I had friends being cool and good things going on in other parts of my life, I had something other than my martyr story to lean on.
In a movie, I guess I would get into a perfect relationship right after I learned my lesson. In real life, I didn't. I was still kind of lonely and all that, but I wasn't angry at the world. I didn't justify my inability to get a date by blaming men for being dumb and not knowing what's good for them, or see other women as "jerks" who didn't deserve their men. I just tried not to dwell on it and got working on a successful ... well, let's say satisfactory, career in CG.
The point is that, even though I did find a guy and get married eventually, that's not what solved the problem. "I'll stop being pissed at the opposite sex when one of them agrees to go out with me," is basically you holding your own happiness hostage. You're probably hurting yourself more than anybody else, unless you're actively harassing someone about it, I guess. If you knew you had to go the next 5 years of your life without sex or a relationship, regardless of what you do, what's a better way to spend it: being bitter and mad, or tabling that issue and getting a ton of other shit done?
That's right, being bitter and mad. It takes less effort. Well, pick what you want. My goal was to get more embarrassing stuff out in public to reduce the risk of someone blackmailing me, and I say mission accomplished.
If you liked the article, you can contact Christina on Twitter or Facebook. If you didn't, might I suggest taking a walk and then having some hot chocolate? It will help you forget.
For more from Christina, check out The 5 Biggest Mistakes Women (Like Me!) Make On The Internet and 5 Reasons Women Are As Shallow As Men (According to Science).