I want to properly honor the make-believe lovers who never got to be on the receiving end of a proper relationship. Unfortunately, I am limited by the postal service of a physical world, so I can't send each of them Valentine's cards. Instead, I am doing the next best thing by compiling them all here and firing them blindly into the ether like tiny spaceships of appreciation. We owe them all that much, particularly young Jenny Garret, my fictional fourth-grade girlfriend. I'm sorry, Jenny. I hope you got over me and went on to accomplish your lifelong dream of becoming a pretend veterinarian. These are all for you, in a way.