Seinfeld: 15 Times George & Jerry Were Just The Worst

15 George Pretended To Be Handicapped To Get A Job

In the season nine season premiere, “The Butter Shave,” George applies for a position at the playground equipment company Play Now. George at this point is hobbling with a cane due to the injuries he sustained after falling down a flight of stairs in the previous episode, “The Summer of George." The Play Now executives hire George on the spot out of pity, which George is all too ready to capitalize on. George’s exaggeration of his injuries results in some pretty sweet benefits, including being carried to his office and gaining a sweet private handicapped bathroom. Would you do the same?

14 Jerry Broke Up With A Woman Because He Thought Her Breasts Were Fake

Now I was but a young boy in the 90s, but what was going on back then with fake boobs? In the episode “The Implant,” Jerry develops a crush on the beautiful Teri Hatcher but loses interest when Elaine insists her breasts are fake. Who cares, Jerry? Who on earth cares!? Giving up a supermodel girlfriend because you think she had cosmetic surgery? Ludicrous! And of course, they weren’t even fake. As Teri says, “They’re real and they’re spectacular.”

13 Jerry Was Necking During Schindler’s List

While Jerry’s parents are visiting he can’t find any alone time to spend with his girlfriend and “get physical.” As it turns out, Jerry chooses a movie theater to make a move on his girl, the only problem being the movie was Schindler’s List. Jerry’s parents were mortified after hearing about the ordeal, but imagine all those poor people in the theater who probably thought the movie was turning the couple on.

12 George Pushed Women And Children To The Ground To Escape A Fire

In one of George’s character-defining moments from “The Fire,” we see his inherent selfishness on full display. He's dating a woman named Robin with a young son, and in an attempt to be a good boyfriend, he attends the child's birthday party. After a small fire breaks out in the kitchen, George screams “Fire!” before shoving everyone out of the way and leaving the building. It is not his proudest moment as later a fireman asks him how he lives with himself to which George replies, "It's not easy."

11 George Tried To Cheat On His Fiancé

What would you do if it was the mid-90s and you learned that Marisa Tomei was attracted only to men who look and act exactly like you? Would you attempt to cheat on your fiancé for a chance to meet up with her? If your name is George Costanza, the answer is yes.  George goes through with meeting up with Tomei for a date, where she punches him in the face for not mentioning he is engaged, and Susan punches him again later on for lying about his whereabouts. What is it gonna take for Susan to break up with George? She would let him get away with murder!

10 George Inadvertently Murders Susan

Ok so George isn’t technically a murderer, but he was the reason behind his fiancé Susan’s death. In the episode “The Invitations,” George insists on going with the cheapest envelope option for his wedding invitations while leaving Susan to do all the work of addressing and sending them out. In a twisted turn of fate, Susan dies due to the toxic glue on the envelopes, leaving George…speechless. Speechless in a way that says “I don’t know how to express that this is kind of a good thing.” It was an interesting look at just how apathetic the Seinfeld gang could be after the death of someone they all knew pretty well.

9 Both Mocked A Man Being Mugged

While some may technically think this was ultimately out of character for the gang members, all of them laughed and watched as a man was mugged at gunpoint during their layover in Latham, Massachusetts during the finale episode of the series. In my opinion, this seems pretty in line with what Jerry or George would do, but I think we know Kramer or Elaine would have tried to get help. 

8 Jerry Got His Friend Fired…Twice

In the episode “The Chicken Roaster,” Jerry runs into an old friend from college and tells him to blow off his upcoming meeting to have lunch with him. His friend reluctantly agrees, which ultimately results in him being fired from his job for missing such an important meeting. As a result of THAT, he gets a job a Kenny Roger's Roasters which of course is later shut down by Jerry spreading Russian hat rat fur all over the establishment. A common theme in the show is definitely that people’s lives were a lot better before they meet anyone from the Seinfeld gang.

7 George Tried To Steal An Injured Man's Girlfriend And Removed His IV

In the episode "The English Patient," George discovers that a woman he is enamored with, Danielle, is dating a supposedly shorter and fatter doppelganger of himself named Neil. George’s rampant insecurities convince him that he needs to meet Neil and learn his secrets of attracting beautiful women, while simultaneously trying to steal Danielle for himself. Unfortunately, Neil is injured in an exploding crepe accident (we've all been there), resulting in Daniele staying with him for sympathy. Like the good sport George is, he removes Neil's IV after visiting him in the hospital.

6 George Made Up A Charity To Avoid Buying Gifts

In the season nine episode "The Strike," George figures out a way to give Christmas gifts to his co-workers without spending a dime. Costanza invents a fake charity called “The Human Fund” and tells everyone in the office he sent a donation to the organization in their name. Unfortunately, his boss discovers the charity is fraudulent when he attempts to make his own donation, but it does result in the audience getting to see the Festivus celebrations when George invites his boss over to cover.

5 George Drugged His Boss

Many people know that George’s plan in “The Revenge” was taken directly from Larry David’s experience at SNL, but what happens after is pretty tough to defend. Unlike Larry David, George’s boss doesn’t let him return to work, so George decides to drug his boss at a bar with Elaine later that night. George changes his mind briefly when his Boss offers him his old job back, but after a few snide remarks, George lets the man drink his drugged concoction. We don’t learn what the drug was, but it probably wasn’t Tums.

4 George Makes Jerry Call In A Bomb Threat

When George discovers the perfect place to nap at work, underneath his tricked-out desk, his plan backfires when his boss comes in and decides to wait for George to return to the office. Panicking, George asks Jerry to call in a literal bomb threat to Yankee Stadium. Maybe this wasn’t as big a deal back in the 90s, but with the world we live in today, it's surprising Jerry didn’t end up in prison.

3 They Posed As The Leaders Of The Aryan Nation

George came up with the bright idea to steal a limo from someone named “O’Brien” at the airport after Jerry saw him get thrown off the plane earlier. The duo trick the driver into thinking they are his passengers and things seem to be working out swimmingly. That is until we learn that O’Brien is actually a white supremacist leader. In order to not cause a commotion, Jerry and George commit to the part and even go as far as to speak at the rally.

2 Jerry Got Involved With A Cock-fighting Ring

In the episode “The Little Jerry,” Kramer purchases what he thinks is a hen, but realizes he has instead foolishly purchased a rooster (classic Kramer). With Kramer’s big money ambitions, he decides to train the chicken nicknamed “Little Jerry” to participate in cock fights. How on earth did the censors allow two main characters to be fans of cock fighting? Luckily Kramer saves the rooster halfway through the fight before it could become a pile of chicken nuggets.

1 Jerry Stole An Elderly Woman’s Rye

In an attempt to be a good friend to George, Jerry steals a Schnitzer’s marble rye from an old woman on the streets of Manhattan. He did, of course, attempt to purchase the rye from her originally for $50 but the “old bag” as Jerry calls her, wouldn’t close the deal. This later comes back to bite Jerry on the ass when it costs his father his position at his retirement community when she recognizes Jerry.

For exclusive ComedyNerd content and more, subscribe to our spiffy newsletter:

Sign up for the Cracked Newsletter

Get the best of Cracked sent directly to your inbox!

SIGN ME UP

Top Image: NBC