What 'Shrek,' 'Shallow Hal,' and 'Mean Girls' Would Sound Like If Described As Dramatic Best Picture Nominees

The Academy Awards, a.k.a., The Super Bowl of Hollywood for those who live and die by comparing every event in human history to “the big game,” has come and gone, bringing with it an extremely long ceremony, Glenn Close celebrating her eighth Oscar loss via twerking, and of course, long-winded descriptions of the celebrated films.  Amid the night's pleasant surprises, including Chloé Zhao's historic directorial win for Nomadland, and strange turns, like the late Chadwick Boseman being snubbed in the Best Actor category and of course, Daniel Kaluuya discussing his mom getting laid during while accepting the award for Best Supporting Actor for his role in Judas and the Black Messiah, there was one question inevitably on everybody's mind – who the hell is writing these dramatic film recaps, and what would happen if the described some of the dumbest films to ever exist? 

Well, folks, it seems our burning inquiry may finally have an answer thanks to TikTok user @mygirlanne, who has taken it upon herself to describe some classic, albeit not-so critically acclaimed films in the Academy's signature tone. “A group of wealthy, career-obsessed women on a trip together realize they are burnt out and in need of change," She explained to the camera, clad in a red-carpet-worthy floral gown. “When one of their friends becomes pregnant, they suddenly begin reconsidering their ideas of success. This dazzling whirlwind of a film captures the power of friendship and the beauty of realizing what it is you really, really want.” The film in question? None other than 1997's most poignant drama, Spice World. 

“An accidental betrayal,” begins another description. “an unexpected journey. An unlikely hero. This captivating film reminds us that it is only when we are tested that we learn our true strength, and only when we are furthest away from home, that we learn how to get back.” The melodramatic classic in question? None other than Babe 2: Pig in the City. 

While the majority of the films featured on her page consist of overlooked pop culture sensations ranging from Shallow Hal …

… to Mean Girls … 

… and even the Jack Black classic, School of Rock … 

… seemingly in the spirit of Sunday's awards, @mygirlanne decided to revamp one infinitely-memed, albeit actually Oscar-winning flick with the melodramatic flare it so deserves. 

“When a struggling outcast becomes engaged by a refugee crisis quickly taking over his community, he decides to confront their small-minded leader who is doing nothing to help," she said, as if on stage before the film's recap. “His bravery results in him being selected for a dangerous task which takes him on a whirlwind of a journey with the most unlikely of partners.” So what, exactly is this 16th-century set, “multi-layered masterpiece” that apparently teaches us that “only true love that can set us free, and that only shooting stars that can break the mold”? None other than the bad-Scottish accent-filled ode to Smash Mouth that is Shrek. 

So folks, remember anything, from CGI ogres to a fictional girl-power band can be Oscar-level dramatic if you put your mind to it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a long, contemplative journey in pursuit of energization – a.k.a grab myself a cup of coffee. it's been a long morning. 

For more internet roundups, follow Carly on Instagram at @HuntressThompson_, on Twitch.tv @HuntressThompson_ and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.