The Dutch Government Is Telling Single People To Get Sex-Buddies

The Dutch Government Is Telling Single People To Get Sex-Buddies

For a while now, it has been understood that social distancing, the requirement that we remain at least six feet apart from others at all times, also extends to sex (unless your dong is six feet long in which case, you have way bigger problems on hand than coronavirus.) Abstinence-only was the way of the land, except those restrictions didn't extend to couples in relationships, as most experts agreed that physical relations with a long-time partner or spouse were probably okay. As such those who were in relationships held the moral high-ground over us single-folk. They could go at it like meth-addled bunnies, while singles sneaking in a mask covered Tinder date were admonished for not taking the virus seriously enough. Perhaps rightly so, but no longer will the couples hold dominion over the single, at least in the Netherlands, for Dutch officials hath decreed that single people should find a sex-buddy. Huzzah! (Spoken like a person that hasn't had sex in a very long time.)

The Dutch National Institute for Public Health realized that people must be super horny right about now, and rather than start handing out purity rings they opted for a more realistic option. Here's their opinion on the matter:

"It makes sense that as a single you also want to have physical contact. Discuss how best to do this together. For example, meet with the same person to have physical or sexual contact (for example, a cuddle buddy or 'sex buddy'), provided you are free of illness. Make good arrangements with this person about how many other people you both see. The more people you see, the greater the chance of (spreading) the coronavirus."

Did you read that with a Dutch accent? Us too, but we think the greater point here is that social distancing doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing proposition. Governments can find solutions that effectively meet the needs of their citizens, and for the Netherlands that means encouraging people to live out their very own coronavirus Rom-Com.

It's important to note that this might be happening because the curve in the Netherlands is flattening. Daily new cases are going down, perhaps signaling they can afford more lenient measures on sexual relations between citizens. Meanwhile, the unspoken rule in the United States remains, "stay the fuck away," but there's also no reason to think that if people are taking flights around the country without wearing masks, then they'd have no problem joining the mile-high club at the drop of a hat.

It's a tricky situation to determine how much leeway a government should give in handling a pandemic like this. There's the consideration of personal freedoms vs. the safety of your citizens, and all of it must be balanced against how the country has so far fared. We don't have an answer for whether you should or should not get a bang-buddy, but we do know that if your partner does have COVID then the Dutch government would tell you that "sex with yourself or with others at a distance is possible (think of telling erotic stories, masturbating together)." Now try to get that image out of your head.

Support Dan on Twitter and he will talk about his life with you in lieu of getting a therapist. He also hosts The Bachelor Zone Podcast, where you can hear him give a sports-style breakdown of all things happening on The Bachelor.

Top Image: Mahrael Boutros/Pexels

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