How to Trick Out Your Ride on a Budget
This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Not all of us can handle the anxiety of appearing on a reality show in which a rapper loads up our car with a bunch of ridiculous upgrades, but that doesn't mean you have to roll around in a subpar ride. If your wheels need some TLC, but you don't have the cash to turn it into something that would impress Xzibit, we've got you covered with these nifty accessories which all just happen to be on sale. How lucky for you!
It's an age-old dilemma for youthful urbanites. Parallel parking was invented by a cruel chaos demon to make us feel stupid and terrified, but backup cameras are for moms. This camera attaches to the back of your car and streams a live feed to your smartphone. So it's like you have a backup camera, but you also know how to work a smartphone.
Wires and flimsy car mounts are a huge pain when you're trying to charge your phone, navigate, and not die at the same time. This charger is Qi-enabled, letting you wirelessly charge your phone, and has intelligent clamps that only let up when you want to take your phone. We don't know how it works. It's probably whatever magic told that hat which wizard clique 11-year-olds should join.
You know how it goes. You're cruising along, minding your own business, when a goose the size of a child waddles out in front of your car. As you screech to a halt, it looks you right in the eye and appears to honk indignantly before getting back on its way, and you know deep in your bones that no one is going to believe you. Even if you recover from the shock quickly enough to whip out your phone, its crappy camera is never going to capture its full avian glory. This high-tech dashcam has night vision, an extremely powerful sensor, and records in ultra-clear 1296p HD resolution, so you'll always have an accurate recording of what really happened, whether it's an accident or a truly impressive waterfowl.
If your budget is a bit lower, the Black Box will get you where you need to go or not go, as the case may be. The Black Box records in 1080p HD and activates in an instant when it detects impact, so if you're really only worried about hitting the mutant goose, it's a great ally.
Who decided that cars should smell like pine trees? Seriously, what was that meeting like? Did it ever occur to those people that some of us are morally opposed to forestry? Take back the odor in your motor with this aromatherapy diffuser. Whether you want to smell the ocean when you close your eyes and pretend you're zipping down the PCH like they do in the movies (please don't) or just relax with some nice calming lavender, the choice is yours. It also might just help with some of that road rage.
If your car is more of a golden girl than a new model, you can solve its lack of Bluetooth capabilities with the TUNAI. Not only can this little receiver turn your car's sound system into a Bluetooth sound system so you can play music from your smartphone, but you also get to say "TUNAI" whenever you find the flimsiest excuse to bring it up. People might stop hanging out with you, but that just means fewer fights over music.
No one likes to be stuck on the side of the road. That's how horror movies start out. The KOBRA Wireless Car Scanner checks your car's diagnostics systems to detect problems or potential problems, saving you big money on auto service and potential encounters with skin-masked madmen.
No, car mounts aren't just for Uber drivers. They're for anyone who needs to know where they're going and wants to do so safely and legally. ExoMount attaches to your dash and rotates 360 degrees, so you can orient your phone for whatever you need. Google Maps? You got it. iTunes? It's got you covered. The Wikipedia page for that guy you recognized in that one episode of The Good Place, but you're not sure from what? Probably pull over for that. But you get the idea.
Real talk: Your car is filthy. It's not going to matter how fast your rims spin if they're coated in a fine layer of air poop. Luckily, Brush Hero is an absolute monster, working to spray off gunk and brush it away with a high-torque motorized brush. Your wheel hubs won't know what hit them.
Careening off a cliff or into a lake is exciting in the movies, but in real life it's a disaster, even if you're the main character. Chris Pratt isn't coming to save you, so you need the Kelvin.7 multi-tool. It ensures you're ready for anything with a safety belt cutter, window breaker, hand-crank power generator, four built-in magnets, SOS light, LED flashlight, and USB emergency power supply all built in. The only thing it doesn't provide is an extra pair of pants. You're on your own with that one.
Prices are subject to change.