Your Urine's A Weapon In The Upcoming Game 'Death Stranding'
After like 20 trailers, we still don't have a firm idea of what players will actually be doing, but at least we know that in Hideo Kojima's upcoming weirdo opus Death Stranding, the Metal Gear maestro has put the power of immaturity in player's hands with a pee management mechanic.
This comes courtesy of one of several new trailers that debuted at Gamescom 2019, each of which revealed a new insane part of the game that is beyond simple explanation (the interdimensional breast-feeding of ghost babies, for example). Norman Reedus' character is seen waking from a nap needing to expel the 247 mL of pee in his bladder. The player can access the peeing mechanic through a weapon-wheel-style menu -- fitting, considering Kojima promises that you can actually use the pee as a weapon, which is sure to either anger or delight golden shower enthusiasts.
You'll be let down if you're hoping this tactical urination will let you spin the camera around to catch a glimpse of some Reedus penis. The hog will not be making a cameo. Sorry, but if you want to know what it looks like, you're going to have to go old school by closely examining every pixel of the pee stream to extrapolate the length and girth.
Details are scant, but there seems to be some kind of persistent online aspect to the pee mechanic. Kojima said that if enough players pee in the same spot, "something good will happen" -- probably like how in the trailer, a mushroom grows in the spot Reedus pees. It makes sense, since human urine is chock-full of fertilizing nutrients, like nitrogen and potassium, that plants need to grow. (There's a good chance Kojima didn't take that fact into consideration, and just wanted players to watch Reedus whiz on command.)
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. It's free.