5 Bigots Who Utterly Ended Up Owning Themselves

5

A "Provocateur" Declares War On Twitter, Loses In The Saddest Way Possible

Laura Loomer is a far-right "journalist" who, outside of her work with Infowars and Project Veritas, is most widely known for being the subject of more dunks than a Midwest frosty. Also for getting herself banned from Uber and Lyft after she complained, in the wake of a terrorist attack, about how they employed too many brown people for her liking.

Loomer's career as a "professional provocateur" reached its sad nadir in 2018, after she was banned from Twitter for publishing racist conspiracy theories about incoming congresswoman Ilhan Omar. Rather than take this ban as a point of pride (do you know how hard it is to get banned from Twitter?), she responded by losing her goddamn mind.

We're coming around to the idea that owning a megaphone should require a license.

Soon after getting banned, Loomer handcuffed herself to the doors of Twitter's headquarters in New York City and demanded the return of her account. In order to argue her case, she brought along several props, including a sign accusing Twitter of supporting "Jew hatred" (which makes her friendship with Holocaust denier Chuck Johnson a little awkward) and a yellow Judenstern badge. You know, like the ones that the Jews wore while Hitler was "banning" them from Europe for "violating the terms of service" of life.

At this point, all they're missing is for "Yakety Sax" to start playing.

The police eventually turned up, and it looked like Loomer was going to get the attention that she craved. And then Twitter announced that they couldn't care less about pressing charges, and invited Loomer to spend as long as she liked on their doorstep.

It took two hours for her to crack, when she asked a police officer to cut her free. She didn't get her Twitter account back, sure, but the real win was the friends she made along the wa- oh wait, no, everybody spent the day dragging her for being a baby.

4

"Defend Europe" Charters A Boat To Stop Refugees, Accidentally Smuggles Refugees

The vast majority of African and Middle Eastern refugees enter Europe by crossing the Mediterranean Sea. It's a dangerous voyage that has claimed the lives of tens of thousands of people fleeing poverty, persecution, war, rape, and slavery. In response, NGOs (non-governmental organizations) like Aquarius, Refugee Rescue, and Doctors Without Borders began chartering boats with the intention of rescuing refugees in trouble. And because we live in the second-worst possible timeline (the worst possible timeline is just like this one, but with 10,000 times more wasps), Defend Europe, an "identitarian" organisation with a hate-on for Muslims, decided to charter its own vessel. The C-Star's express intention was to blockade the NGOs and interrupt their rescue operations, in what they promised would be a "summer of disturbances."

3

The Proud Boys Accidentally Doxx Themselves

In October 2018, the Proud Boys were involved in a small riot outside a fascist gathering in New York City. After several members of the group were arrested for assault, the de facto ringleader, Gavin McInnes, quit under the mistaken belief that this would save his boys from prosecution. This instead enabled an internal faction known as the "Elder Chapter" (the biggest dorks) to take over.

As a means of consolidating their power, the Elder Chapter drafted a new set of bylaws laying out how the PB would operate going forward, copies of which were sent to the press in order to trigger the libs and show everyone how totally cool and stable they were.

And true to form, they fucked it up.

As an official membership document, the leaders of the Elder Chapter were required to divulge their IRL identities. In order to stop antifa from spending the next six months sitting outside their homes, however, they redacted this information from the copies that they circulated to the public. Well, "redacted."

Not being smart enough to use MS Word isn't a great look for someone who thinks they have a plan to reshape society.

Instead of properly redacting the documents, the Elder Chapter tried to be clever and do that thing with the black bars from the movies. Only they did it using the highlighting tool of a word processor, which meant that all anyone had to do was highlight the relevant section and bing bang bosh: their real names were on display for the whole world.

2

An Ambassador Denies Spouting Islamophobia, Dutch Journalists Have It On Video

While Pete Hoekstra isn't the worst person in the Trump administration, he certainly deserves a participation trophy. In 2017, Hoekstra was appointed U.S. ambassador to the Netherlands after a long career spent representing the district of blind hatred and bizarre racism. At one conference, he told an audience of right-wingers that the Netherlands had been taken over by a "Islamic movement" that was burning cars and politicians, as well as converting areas of the city into "no-go zones."

On the same day that he was sworn in as ambassador by Vice President Mike Pence, Hoekstra found some time to be interviewed by Wouter Zwart, a Dutch journalist. When Zwart called Hoekstra out on his comments, Hoekstra replied that actually, he never said those things at all, and this whole story was fake news designed to blah blah blah.

It was at this point that Zwart showed Hoekstra a video of him making the remarks in question.

1

A Transphobic TV Writer Tries To Destroy A Charity, Winds Up Making Them Even More Money

Graham Linehan is an Irish comedy "icon" who's more famous nowadays for spending every waking moment getting very angry about the existence of trans people.

Who says discourse is dead?