But unlike many insane European laws, this isn't some medieval hangover from a time when people were supposed to marry at age 12 and die at the ripe old age of 12 1/2. This messed-up worldview only came along in the late '60s, when apparently the Sexual Revolution eased taboos a wee bit too much. Certain folks started arguing that children, most of whom can't even be in charge of a lemonade stand, can be considered in charge of their own sexuality in their relations with adults.

"If a 13-year-old girl has the right to take the pill, what is it for?" read one creepy petition signed by many prominent intellectuals, including an incredibly old Jean-Paul Sartre (to the surprise of no one, he remained an a*****e right up 'til the end). Suddenly "pedophilia was considered a sexual orientation ... It was all part of a vision of freedom," according to psychiatrist Muriel Salmona. Anything to stay ahead of the perv curve, we guess.

After several protests, the French government promised to codify the age of consent in 2018, but did a 180 at the last moment, leaving France's children up for grabs. They must've suddenly remembered their favorite Sartre quote about high school girls.

Despite having the reputation as perhaps the most progressive and egalitarian nation on the planet (and being a stoner's throw away from Amsterdam), the Swedish stigma toward recreational drugs is unrivaled in the West. In a recent poll, more than 90 percent of Swedes were found to be in favor of keeping all drugs illegal. And yes, that includes pot -- the smoking of which can even land you in jail long after the effects have worn off. Drug use is so stigmatized that simply admitting to it invites dirty looks and disgust from most Swedes, and there's sadly very little you can offer them to chill out.

Weirdly for a country that's so big on schooling, Sweden's drug paranoia seems to come from a lack of education. Overall, it lags decades behind on drug research and policy. As a result, their outdated war on drugs has seen drug usage skyrocket and drug deaths per capita spiking to four times as high as the European average. At this rate, it'll be 2420 before Sweden is finally 420-friendly.

Related: 5 Shocking Laws Modern Countries Had Until A Few Years Ago

The Digital Economy Bill is one of the most puritanical laws the West has decreed since we've stopped wearing buckles on our hats. Under the new law, not only will the government decide when and if you can spank it to nudey videos, but also what behavior is allowed in said videos. To counter any anti-Victorian behavior, the UK government banned all "non-conventional sex-acts" from appearing in erotica, including "sexual acts involving urination" and "female ejaculation." Leave it to a bunch of conservative bores to think of the female orgasm as "non-conventional."

focus/Adobe StockNormally you have to pay 200 bucks an hour to be dominated this harshly.

As a result, UK porn has become (even more) boring than it already was. Porn stars are omitting old classics like fisting for fear they are sticking one too many fingers up their willing partners' body cavities (a practice barred under this new legislation). All of this is, of course, to prevent porn from destroying the "moral purity" of the nation. Four fingers up a bum will surely turn the empire into a den of decay similar to the town from Footloose. Guarding the British citizens' decency is the British Film Board, which now has to employ adults with film degrees to watch all the porn in the world to make sure no female ejaculates. We can't figure out if that's the best job in the world, or the worst.

As one professor on Asian culture frames it, "people other than Japanese can't be admitted as a member of society," and most Japanese will treat Non-Japanese as second-class citizens, no matter the circ*mstances. Of those living in Japan, a whopping third of non-Japanese residents report harassment and discrimination. So come vacation time, if you want to enjoy Japanese culture but don't want to be treated like an animal, try the local anime convention instead.

Related: 5 Horrifying Things That Should Have Been Illegal Way Sooner

Under the new "slapping law," if a man refuses to pay the fine, the court will take it from his joint account, meaning that women often have to pay for their own beatings. Even women who fled to shelters were tracked down by the courts in order to force them to pay their abusive husbands' fines. Suddenly, enlisting as a mail-order bride to be sold off to some awkward schlub from Vermont seems like a logical and reasonable choice.

Endorsed by Putin, the reforms were spearheaded by ultra-conservatives and the Orthodox Church to prevent families from breaking up over something as silly as "a slap." And it's definitely working! Despite domestic violence shooting through the roof, actual legal claims have gone down drastically, because now only about one in ten cases even gets reported. It's much more economical for everyone involved.

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