An Al-Qaeda Cell Had To Call Their Parents To Quit Terror Training Camp Early
In 2013, UK police swooped in on a Birmingham-based terror cell before they could carry out some of the deadliest attacks in British history.
None of their bizarre, cartoonish plans worked. Their schemes ranged from driving around and scything people with huge knives strapped to their tires to smearing poisoned hand cream on car door handles overnight so that people would start dropping dead while driving to work. Fortunately, none of those things even came close to happening, since all of those ideas are incredibly, unspeakably stupid.
West Midlands PoliceAlthough these do look like the faces of men who "use" a lot of hand cream.
To fund these dastardly plans, the terrorists posed as charity collectors and spent months accruing spare change. They eventually gathered up 12,000 pounds, at which point "finance director" Rahin Ahmed assured the others that he could easily double that by currency trading online. He immediately lost 9,000 pounds. Like, immediately. At one point, he left his account running while making a cup of tea, and came back to a 3,000-pound loss. At the time of their arrest, the other members were reportedly not talking to him, at least until he could sell his car and pay them back.
Other members of the group went to Pakistan to attend an al-Qaeda training camp, but were horrified to discover that they had to sleep outside and their only bathroom was a big hole in the ground. They eventually called their parents, confessed that they couldn't hack it, and asked to be picked up from terror camp early.
A Commando Group Was Sent To Attack A Party That Didn't Exist, So They Turned The Mission Into A Sightseeing Trip
In 1984, Murtaza Bhutto, the son of executed Pakistani President Zulfikar Bhutto, sent nine members of his anti-government group Al-Zulfiqar to Vienna. Their plan was to storm the Canadian embassy during the annual Canada Day celebrations and take the gathered dignitaries hostage. They would then demand a plane and fly to Cuba, which was the default left-wing militant dream back then.
There was just one problem: The embassy didn't hold a Canada Day party that year. Which seems like something you would check before making plans to swing by for a drink, let alone smuggle machine guns into Austria.
Magnus Manske/Wiki Commons"There's a Canada Day?" -- Canada