Governor Scott Walker Is A Robot Masquerading As The Most Boring Human In History
Scott Walker is both the governor of Wisconsin and some of the best evidence we have of the existence of pod people. His entire Instagram account is an almost terrifyingly aggressive argument that he is most assuredly a real human being. The key to that argument? Ham and cheese sandwiches in brown bags.
Walker has realized that humans eat lunch, but he hasn't yet gleaned that we like variety. He claims that he's eaten two ham and cheese sandwiches every day for the last 26 years, which means he's eaten 19,000 to date. His Instagram documents these lunches in a parade of existential dread that celebrates mechanical monotony.
Scott Walker via Instagram"The food credits help the flesh vessel funct- *ERROR* ERROR*"
Look at how frugal and relatable and totally-not-a-murderous-doppelganger he is! And what do humans from Wisconsin wash down a ham and cheese sandwich with? Milk, of course. Humans from Wisconsin enjoy dairy and devour it at all times. Unceasingly. Check out this series of glamour shots we've titled "Unnaturally Still Life, With Milk."
Scott Walker via Instagram
Scott Walker via Twitter"Some people use a straw in their milk carton, but I'm a bit of a rebel."