8 Tourists Who Managed To Be The Worst People Ever (Part 2)
For most of us, traveling is a luxury that requires months of saving, careful planning, a permission slip from our parole officer and tons of sacrifice. And we'd all agree that having enough money to travel and see the world should come with the promise that you won't be a dick about it. These guys didn't get the memo.
People Won't Stop Making Out With Oscar Wilde's Tomb
We've all been there: Alone at the gravestone of a beloved icon, compelled by our love of our idol and our hot, wet loins to go ahead and slap a kiss on the monument marking the spot where our hero's bones are decaying.
Unfortunately, back in the 1990s, a fan of Oscar Wilde had that very natural and normal compulsion, but slapped on some lipstick before she (or he) kissed Wilde's tomb in Paris. Then someone else came along and decided to join the fun with a kiss of their own. Then someone else joined the one-way kiss orgy. Decades later, Oscar Wilde's tomb looks like a baby after visiting a grandma convention:
In unrelated news, the oral herpes business in Paris is booming.
From that point forward, visiting the tomb of Oscar Wilde was deemed incomplete without a smooch. Eventually, some fans would leave hearts and hand-written love letters directly on the tomb until the grave began to resemble a high school heartthrob's senior yearbook.
"Have a great summer!"
Among the problems that arise from tourists sexually assaulting a tombstone is the fact that the monument is porous, which means lipstick grease sinks right into the stone itself. Groundskeepers wash the monument, more dummy kissers show back up to slap their saliva right back on it again. Decades of kisses, cleaning routines, and still more kisses have taken their toll on the tomb, degrading it to the point that repairs were utterly impossible. Left with no other choice, authorities instituted a fine of 9,000 pounds (or $12,000) to be issued to anyone caught doing the deed and idiots are still making out with the rock.
Eventually, the people in charge of the gravesite removed visitors' ability to spread their cooties all over the final resting place of a literary giant altogether by creating a glass barrier to discourage further PDA. Naturally, the glass barrier itself is now covered with the heartfelt platitudes left by visitors of the tomb. Maybe if the right kisser comes along, Oscar Wilde will revive himself like an Irish, dandy Snow White.
And this is why we can't have nice things.
Love (Locks) Is Dead
Because an elegant wedding ring is too pleasing to accurately symbolize the slow and steady suffocation that is marriage, enamored couples have taken to leaving padlocks chained to fences and bridges all over Paris, symbolizing the heavy shackles of never-ending love.
While one or two locks is fine, physics says the unbearable weight of thousands of steel padlocks causes parts of structures like the Pont des Arts bridge to straight up collapse, unable to go on under the crushing fervency of eternal love.
Once again, when a temporary barrier was put in place, tourists scribbled all over it like a gas station restroom stall. Recognizing the danger of thousands of metal locks tumbling onto the boats below, plexiglass covered in appropriately themed graffiti has taken the place of the thousands of locks.
I-is that a rape joke?
Just like Tribbles, the locks have been known to multiply in staggering numbers all around the world. Here are some threatening a bridge in Venice:
As much as you can threaten a city connected by poop-water canals, that is.
And more in New York:
Because risking your life to hang a lock is about all there is to do in NYC.
Each location has been desperately attempting to remove the locks, only to have two more pop up in their place. With the exception of the Fuente de los Candados, or The Locks Fountain, which derives it entire name from the practice. So, the next time you're looking to proclaim your unending passion for the girl you saw at Starbucks that one time, head to Uruguay.
Good luck finding an open space, though.
Petra, The Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Grail Site, Is A Sad And Miserable Place
Not every damaged landmark can be blamed solely on the asinine behavior of its tourists. Petra, AKA "The Lost City," AKA the location of Indy's Holy Grail, is a gorgeous city full of ancient tombs and temples carved directly into multicolored sandstone cliffs.
That's some serious sandcastle cred.
One attraction located in the lost city is the amphitheatre, an epic feat of ancient architecture designed for putting ancient asses in ancient seats to enjoy some wholesome, screen-free entertainment. So naturally, modern visitors literally walk all over it.
The walking has worn down the integrity of the stone, and that sucks. But what sucks more is the unethically frenzied atmosphere that likely leads to such disrespectful behavior.
And do they even have the decency to wipe their feet?
Pages upon pages of visitor reviews regale the world with tales of merchants selling shoddy products and parents putting their children up to begging in the streets for money. Worse still is the horrific manner in which animals are treated by the tour guides in Petra. Visitors are given the option to be carried through the city by horse, donkey, or camelback (always for a price). Sadly, tourists have witnessed these working animals suffer brutal whippings and an extreme lack of food and water despite the blistering desert heat. The abuse of these unfortunate animals became so bad advocacy groups came in with several plans meant to provide some much needed aid to the poor little guys. Intermittent stables have been erected offering shelter, rest, and veterinary care for the beasts, many of whom had never been treated before in spite of suffering from severe dehydration and infections.
As bizarre as defending this disgusting behavior feels, there is a sadly, desperate reason for the locals' mistreatment of the animals, as well as the overbearing push for money. Because of the deadly conflict in Syria, tourism has dropped by nearly half, setting people who had once relied on a flourishing tourism market scrambling for any possible means of making up the loss of income, leaving them forced to choose between hurting a bunch of innocent animals or forcing every last penny they could out of the suffering beasts.
Petra tour guides, you chose ... poorly.
People Won't Stop Stealing Stuff Out Of The Titanic
Sometimes tour guides aren't intentionally terrible. Sometimes they're simply clumsy fools who accidentally smash delicate pieces of history into irretrievable bits because ... oops. For the reasonable sum of 59,000 motherfucking dollars, you could have taken a private tour in a submarine to the bottom of the ocean to see the ship that Jack built. The trouble is, it's dark and cold and lonely at the bottom of the ocean, so when these hulking metal deathtraps close in for a landing, they end up battering the decaying remains of the sunken ship, causing permanent damage.
How can they tell?
It was a good 14-year run, but eventually the one and only company making these runs to the bottom of the sea decided to pack it in to prevent further damage to the ship. It's estimated that a good 8,000-9,000 items have gone missing from the wreckage, much of the theft attributed to wayward visitors angrily looking for a substitute souvenir after failing to find the Heart of the Ocean.
The Great Wall Of China Is Falling Apart
A marvel of wonder of engineering and human ingenuity, the Great Wall of China was built as a 13,000-mile defense against warmongers and (presumably) zombies. Now that our wars are fought with nuclear bombs and weaponized fruit flies, the wall has been relegated to nothing more than another tourist trap that bears the weight of an astounding 10 million visitors a year.
Is this what Matt Damon fought all those monsters for?
The Great Wall of China was designed to be just that: a wall. Walls are meant for keeping things out or in, they're meant to provide shelter and a convenient place to display your Hanson posters. What walls are not built for is to have millions of bored teenagers and their overly enthusiastic parents desperately trying to convince themselves this trip was worth the money tromping all over them, day in and day out. Due to the Wall's incredible foot traffic, the Wall has suffered great damage, with only an estimated 8.2 percent remaining in good condition. What's worse, like bad tourists everywhere, the Great Wall's visitors litter the place with trash and graffiti because literally nothing is sacred anymore.
That's what you get for making teenagers bored, China
It's not like China hadn't thought about this, though. They do perform restorations to the wall, and that's where the majority of the wall's visitors are supposed to go. But some enterprising go-getters have decided to go where no man has gone before, venturing deeper and deeper into the depths of the wall. These remote areas are unkempt, unmaintained, and much more treacherous than the designated tourist area, yet these intrepid trekkers find the perils worth the risk. Given the uneasy footing of the far reaches of the wall, security is not often on-hand, allowing thieves to knick pieces of the structure for resale.
Kids Try To "Improve" 5,000-Year-Old Rock Carvings
All these people have been pretty terrible so far. Let's switch things up with a couple of innocent knuckleheads who just got in a little too deep. You know what old-timey Norwegian people did for fun 5,000 years ago? They strapped thin strips of wood to their feet and hurled themselves off the side of icy, danger-covered hillsides towards thick, unyielding trees. We still do that today, only now we call it "skiing." How do we know our ancient ancestors were into hitting the slopes? Super old rock carvings, that's how.
It's also where we got the idea for Where's Waldo.
Upon seeing the 5,000-year-old faded carvings of the world's first extreme athletes, a few kids thought the picture could use some sprucing up. Thinking they could simply retrace the centuries old etchings like a giant connect-the-dots drawing, they quickly set in to scratching away at the historical landmark in an effort to make the old etchings more visible.
To be fair, it is 100 percent more visible.
The kids were quite proud of what they had accomplished until the vandalism had been reported, which filled them with so much guilt they came forward to take the heat, leading officials to kindly leave them anonymous. Sadly, reversing the damage seems unlikely, but maybe Norway can hang it up on their refrigerator?
One Woman Graffitied All Over Seven National Parks
We get it, guys. You spent your life's savings on this trip and now this natural wonder has struck a chord with you. No matter how many selfies you take on this trip, this awesome structure will stay with you forever, but will you stay with it? Yes, if you play your cards right. And by "play your cards right" we mean you deface a national treasure for your own selfish reasons. Over the course of a little less than a month, graffitti artist Casey Nocket covered seven national parks with her stylized graffiti, happily affixing her internet handle and the date to each one before posting her vandalism all over the internet. Because that's what assholes desperately begging for attention do.
This is what happens when parents don't hang up enough of their kid's art on the fridge growing up.
Thanks to her braggadocio, Nocket was easily charged with the deeds and was sentenced to two years of probation and banned from the parks for that time. Despite the acts of vandalism having taken place two years ago, Nocket's conviction was only just past earlier this year. She still has to wait to learn just how much cash money she'll be shelling out to help restore the natural landmarks she destroyed.
People Keep Peeing All Over The World's Tallest Church
In the quiet city of Ulm, nestled sweetly in the bottom of a mythical country called "Germany" stands the world's tallest church, Ulm Minster... for now. The church and the areas surrounding it often host public events, which is cool. What isn't is the obvious lack of toilets. So when things get, um, urgent, guys just go pee all over the base of the church like it's 2 A.M. on a Saturday morning and they just got kicked out of a bar.
That Blood of Christ goes right through you.
Michael Hilbert and his restoration crew do all they can to combat the steady flow of urine, but to no avail. The base of the church is being slowly eroded away by the acids in the urine and vomit that consistently cake the lower levels of the church. But, hey! Church attendance is up ya'll!
This persistent damage has already cost the church an expensive restoration, yet just a year later the boys' bad behavior is threatening to erode the church even further. Hilbert angrily insists that he is not, nor ever has been, the "pee police" but at this point he might want to rethink his stance on that.
Carolyn's tweets will be the Earth's destruction.
For more ways we're just the shittiest, read 6 Famous Places That A-Holes Have Made Intolerable To Visit and 5 Tourists Who Managed To Be The Worst People In The World.
And be sure to check out 9 Types Of Coworkers To Make You Want Your Head To Explode, and let us know about other headsplosion-worthy employees we may have missed.
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