In case of nuclear death raining down to melt men like so much scrumptious chocolate, every single citizen of Switzerland is promised protection in a bunker -- because having ready access to a bunker is the law. There are around 300,000 of them in private dwellings, presumably each featuring a shelf on which to prominently display their government-issued rifle. When building a home, families must either factor in the cost of a bunker or pay into a community one, and in the case of renters, landlords are required to provide bunkers capable of housing all their tenants. To cover any stragglers, there are over 5,000 government shelters open to the public.
You simply can't take a stroll through the Swiss countryside or a yodel through the Swiss Alps without stumbling upon something that looks like the entrance to a goddamned superhero's lair.
Time Out Switzerland
That, or you've just unwittingly discovered a top-secret cheese cache.
Of course, this level of security don't come cheap: On average, the Swiss -- citizens of a country that has been vocally neutral in every single war for the past two centuries -- spend more than 20 percent of their budget on defense. The result is prepper-level protection for nearly nine million individuals ... in a country with a population of slightly over eight million.
That means if you sign up for a Swiss pen pal and get started on some serious ass-kissing right now, there's a solid chance you could secure yourself one of those extra million spots. Just aim for a well-off citizen with his or her own private bunker, as post-apocalyptic public housing will likely be just as depressing as pre-apocalyptic public housing.
Time Out Switzerland
Seriously, not a single flat screen in sight.
Think Nana and Pop-Pop's loving 60-year monogamous relationship is quaint and old-fashioned? First off, sorry for that disturbing image, but we've got some news for you: the monogamous sexual relationship is actually brand new relative to how long humans have been around. Secondly, it's about to get worse from here: monkey sex.
On this month's live podcast, Jack O'Brien and the Cracked staff welcome Dr. Christopher Ryan, podcaster and author of 'Sex at Dawn', onto the show for a lively Valentine's Day discussion about love, sex, why our genitals are where they are, and why we're more like chimps and bonobos than you think.
Get your tickets here:
Also check out The 6 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Buildings Ever Proposed and 5 Amazing Buildings of the Future (And How They'll Kill You).
Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out How China's Government Just Proved The Future Will Be Insane, and other videos you won't see on the site!
Follow us on Facebook, and we'll follow you everywhere.