Tucked away in the mountainous desert of Phoenix, Arizona is a flight school with a fleet of planes parked out back. But these aren't just any planes -- they're German-built aerobatic aircraft tricked out with gun sights, smoke generators, and combat sound effects, all to better enable rank amateurs to learn the finer points of good old-fashioned dogfighting. Here are two of their planes blowing the simulated shit out of each other:
Kamikaze attacks, though considered unsporting, are not specifically outlawed anywhere in the promotional materials.
When you arrive in class, you're given your pilot call sign, suited up in flight gear, and briefed on the basics of air combat maneuvers. (There's no mention of whether this occurs in real time or as a montage of jump cuts with a synthesizer rock soundtrack.) Once you're in the air and warmed up, you'll challenge your counterpart to a series of one-on-one dogfights. Successfully out-flying them will earn you the "prestigious 'Top Gun'" award -- an accomplishment which, honestly, will probably only earn you patronizing laughter when you slam it down on the bar and demand free drinks.
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"Will you at least sing 'You've Lost That Loving Feeling?'"