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How many times have you watched an action movie and thought to yourself "Man, it must take years of training to be able to pull that off?" Real life police officers, soldiers, and spies have to undergo rigorous training before they get to pilot submarines and shoot people, right? As it turns out, that's... entirely true. Being a real-life James Bond would take a lifetime of learning and practice. But as it also turns out, there are classes you could take this year that could get you half-way to James Bondhood, many of them taking a week or less of your precious, movie-watching time. #6.
Rick Seaman Stunt Driving School
If there's one thing that has become synonymous with James Bond through the years, it's blatant misogyny. A close second, though, would have to be the tragic destruction of fantastically expensive automobiles. In just one afternoon of filming Casino Royale, three stunningly beautiful, brand new Aston Martin DBS's were wrecked, just to film one measly stunt sequence that lasted mere seconds on screen. To put this in perspective, a single Aston Martin costs, at minimum, around four-hundred grand, a figure colloquially known as "more money than you will ever have, ever."
Luckily for us common folk, you can perform crazy stunts in any car, not just laughably expensive luxury sedans. And, with the proper training, you don't even have to total them to do it! But really, if you're not keeping the car, why wouldn't you? The Coursework: That proper training is provided at the Rick Seaman Stunt Driving School. Over the three day course, you'll learn everything from Tokyo drifting to speeding backwards through an obstacle course, skills that will prove invaluable if you ever find yourself Tokyo drifting or speeding backwards through an obstacle course.
The class even advertises its ability to teach spinning and sliding either 90, 180, 270 or 360 degrees. Anyone wishing to swerve around in non-quarter-turn intervals is shit out of luck--but if that was your goal, you're probably just a show-off asshole anyway and we hope you never get to take this course.
In addition to the standard two-part stunt driving classes, there is also mention of a special course, called "Anti-Terrorist/VIP Protection," whose very existence is so top-secret that it had to be hidden by placing it slightly further down the page. The exact details in the curriculum are notably left out of the website, likely to keep these undoubtedly hardcore techniques from falling into the wrong hands. The wrong hands, in this case, being defined as "hands that do not contain the several thousand dollars that this course costs." #5.
Advanced Surveillance
Every once in a while, spies have to take some time off from murdering and/or sleeping with all kinds of exotic strange to, you know, get some actual spying done. But how do they learn how to use all of that complex spy gadgetry? And more importantly, how can YOU, the consumer, learn how to set up such equipment for purposes that are only tangentially related to watching your hot neighbor undress?
By taking the "Surveillance Advanced" course at Intelligent Training International Limited. The Coursework: The lectures are divided into seven days; one for introduction, one for a final exam, one for closing thoughts and the rest is to teach different ways for surreptitiously observing people who really don't want to be observed.
Interestingly enough, each day of borderline-stalker techniques is split up in to two topics: The first is an overview of the material (from your basic "Eavesdropping" through the more complicated "Covert Video Surveillance" to the downright-terrifying "Telephone Interception"), while the second is how each fits in to the local British legal system. Now, we here at Cracked are far from experts in UK law (or any kind of law, really... or even basic civics), but unless 1984 was actually a documentary, laws regarding secretly spying on your unwilling countrymen couldn't possibly be that complicated. At the very least, the phrase "don't fucking spy on people, bloke" has to be in the law somewhere, right?
Oh, and they also offer a course called "Counter-Espionage", presumably aimed both at people who have found out that their friends and co-workers have taken "Advanced Surveillance" and former "Advanced Surveillance" students who have hidden their bugs so well that they can no longer find them. #4.
Lock picking School (In A Box!)
In The World Is Not Enough, Bond had a secret lock pick built in to a credit card. Despite this amounting to what would have to be the most unwieldy lock pick device in history, you can still find replicas of it on the Internet.
Of course, if you're in a career that involves picking locks, you probably don't want your identity getting out. Luckily, there is a course that lets you learn to pick a lock from the comfort of your own home dressed in the comfort of your own stained boxers, which is probably what you're going to be wearing when you try to drunkenly pick the lock at the Playboy Mansion anyway. The Coursework: The Lock Picking School (In A Box!) is more or less exactly what it sounds like: a series of locks, placed in to some kind of shipping container, then mailed to your door. You then use the included basic set of lock picks, or your own personal set, to whittle them open, starting with simple, one-pin locks all the way up to a standard five-pin lock. You know, the kind of lock on your front door. The one that you count on to keep you safe at night.
What's that you say? You don't have any lock picks? That's cool, you can buy those, too! That's right, despite the fact that these picks are built with one and only one purpose (namely, to pick locks, although they would probably make decent shanks in a pinch also), the possession of picks and wrenches is legal in most places, especially if you can prove you're not planning on stealing anything with them. Go ahead, check that link if you don't believe us. Yeah, that's Wikipedia, homes. Wikipedia ain't never lied.
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I am going to do that onpoint one!?!!!?!!......(looks at self;sees mildly nerdish 15 year old) maybe...:(
2bad i have a built in claw system in my door, the lock is too heavy to open with lockpicks, they would break.
Because they don't make stronger lockpicks. That's crazy. All lockpicks are made out of narrow easily breakable flimsy metals, and are in no way as strong as or stronger than the metal that your key is made of.
God DAMN, I love America.
#6 the picture with the Toyota's in it? they are the Hilux Heroes, it's a pretty good show
goddamn f**king spam
DAMN it! So... much... spam...
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Christian Louboutin/Lv/Ed Hardy/Gucci/Coach/Lacoste/ Timbland……Shoe :$35
True Religion/Coogi/Evisu/Ed Hardy/Prada ……Jeans:$30
New era/Gucci/Ed hardy ……cap : $13
Okely/Coach/D&G/Fendi/Gucci/Armani ……sunglass : $15
Nike shoes: 32 $, True Religion jeans: 30 $, Ed Hardy, t-shirts: 12 $, NFL Jersey: 20 $, Boots UGG: 50 $
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http://www.sbbshoe.com/
which kind of trouble is the men who fall in love afraid of more?
Of course, is just to with his girlfriend for shopping, women shopping is an art, but a man can not enjoy the art.
Couples in men, what is the most painful?
His girlfriend is of course not just love shopping, but a shopper. throught I am imposing seven-foot man, shopping with the words to describe, is "bitter, tired, and heartache," with 3 characters described as "miserable, exhausted, wallet draining," with the sage words described as "When heaven is about to place a great burden on a man,it always tests resolution first,exhausts his body,makes him suffer great hardships and frustrates his efforts.they could not have been beneficial. "
Others envy my girlfriend so cute that to endowed with both beauty and talent,charming and moving unparalleled, but they can't imagine enjoy the beautiful girlfriend to to pay what price.
Immediate on-line shopping is cheap, stylish, but also save money,plenty of time they didn't need accompany his girlfriend for shopping when it comes to so many way.
Therefore, men have a pair of nike sports shoes, you can accompany his girlfriend traveled the world!
My dear friends, a simple style, simple pricing, free style and highlighting individual styles, Please come to
http://www.sbbshoe.com/
Anything you guys can do about spammers here? I mean, I know your staff has probably been cut down and all, and it would take people lots time dealing with it, but you can't ban a few IPs or something? Delete a few obvious ones off the top? Seriously, this page in particular has only about 2 ACTUAL posts, with the rest being SPAM. And worse, we're all just complaining about the spammers, not even commenting on the article itself. Seriously, makes me not even want to come here, and frankly at this point, you need all the hits you can get.
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Even weirder, you made me register first before posting. With CAPTCHA and all! Dang spammers are crafty these days.
http://www.sbbshoe.com/
which kind of trouble is the men who fall in love afraid of more?
Of course, is just to with his girlfriend for shopping, women shopping is an art, but a man can not enjoy the art.
Couples in men, what is the most painful?
His girlfriend is of course not just love shopping, but a shopper. throught I am imposing seven-foot man, shopping with the words to describe, is "bitter, tired, and heartache," with 3 characters described as "miserable, exhausted, wallet draining," with the sage words described as "When heaven is about to place a great burden on a man,it always tests resolution first,exhausts his body,makes him suffer great hardships and frustrates his efforts.they could not have been beneficial. "
Others envy my girlfriend so cute that to endowed with both beauty and talent,charming and moving unparalleled, but they can't imagine enjoy the beautiful girlfriend to to pay what price.
Immediate on-line shopping is cheap, stylish, but also save money,plenty of time they didn't need accompany his girlfriend for shopping when it comes to so many way.
Therefore, men have a pair of nike sports shoes, you can accompany his girlfriend traveled the world!
My dear friends, a simple style, simple pricing, free style and highlighting individual styles, Please come to
http://www.sbbshoe.com/
If I knew the prices, maybe that last one, onPoint...
A few of these I might consider attending.
Bunch of spammer f*gs...
heh...heh....Rick Seaman
Kill the robots already, cracked!
Epic fail at using the word 'bloke' in a sentence. Please don't ever try again.
Yeh that made literally no sense whatsoever lmao.
Awesome article. I'll have to take some of these courses at some point.
In other news, holy s**t we have a lot of spammers. Account banning time?
...That... is the most badass example of a final exam I've ever heard of. Awesome.
someone said he is searching someone on the famous rich men seeking passion site *******sugarloves. c o m. there are some of his hot pictures.. joke or not?
At 16, after I spent the night at a friend's and came home during the day, realizing then I'd forgotten my key and was now locked out. Instead of sitting by the doorstep picking my nose and building a booger version of a sand castle, I decided to use the metal spring of a clothes-pin I found on the sidewalk to pick my lock.
Although I knew nothing of picking locks with thick wire except for what I'd seen on Terminator 2 (Sarah Connor picks the lock of her cell with a clip) and although my mom had the locked the door with two turns, about 15 minutes after I picked up the clothes-pin and disemboweled it I was sitting on my sofa munching on a pack of chips.
I'm a self taught burglar, thank you very much.
And yes, I hummed the theme to Terminator while picking the lock.