According to researchers James Duffy and Vincent Ricci, in 1929 -- four years before Hitler became the leader of Germany -- he was due to speak at a Berlin arena, where an unknown assassin planned to make his last stand against the future dictator before he could become the mass-murdering psychopath we all love to name-drop in heated Internet arguments. Rigging up a bomb under the podium, the assassin lay in wait for his victim to approach, but was suddenly taken with the unavoidable need to visit the bathroom.
Given that Hitler was never someone known for short, concise speeches, the assassin figured he had more than enough time to relieve himself and still make it back in time to destroy history's greatest monster. Unfortunately, once he was done pooping, the assassin discovered to his horror that he'd been locked in the bathroom.
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The worst part was that he could still hear him fucking talking.
Unable to free himself, the assassin wound up trapped in the john for the entire duration of the speech, emerging only after Hitler had finished speaking and was safely out of the public arena that had left him momentarily vulnerable to shitting hitmen. And so, this little-known failed attempt joined numerous other future failed attempts in proving the fact that, ultimately, the only person capable of vanquishing Hitler was Hitler.
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