7 Creepy Video Game Easter Eggs You'll Wish We Never Found
The scariest video game moments ever aren't in horror games -- they're in perfectly normal shooters, RPGs, or even children's games whose creators decided to spice things up with some out-of-the-way terror. After all, what's more likely to make you pee your pants: seeing a guy in a werewolf mask inside a haunted house or running into him in your kitchen late at night?
So, every year around this time, we like to celebrate those "shit your pants" moments tucked away in the corners of your favorite games ...
Call Of Duty: Finest Hour's Insane Ghost Rooms
Remember when the Call Of Duty games were about good old fashioned Nazi-killing fun, as opposed to forcing you to stare at Kevin Spacey's Tron clone for two hours? Yeah, the games were much simpler back then, such as Call Of Duty: Finest Hour, one of the earliest installments of the saga, where all you did was go around looking for enemies and- WHAT THE MOTHER-LOVIN' FUCK?!
It's a little early for the PTSD to be kicking in.
On the Underground Passage level, you'll run across a door that can't be opened, and, by "can't," we mean "you have to throw two grenades at it, press the action button, and then throw another grenade to blow it up." This will lead you to a circular room with candles floating in the air, baby pictures on the walls, a hog-size rat hidden under the stairs, and a tiny tank rolling around on the floor. It all plays out like a scene from some kind of fucked-up satanic movie, such as Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets or something.
Oh, and don't forget to go up to the crib in the middle of the room, because otherwise you'll miss the ghost child staring at you.
This being COD, he speaks exclusively in racial slurs.
There are actually a whole bunch of ghost rooms hidden throughout the single-player campaign -- another features a turbaned man playing the flute in front of (we're assuming) a recently used hookah, surrounded by pictures of soldiers on the walls. After a couple seconds, the man starts to fade away, and you realize it's a literal Call Of Duty: Ghost.
"And after aaaaaall ... you're my wonderwaaaaaall ..."
There are even more rooms that feature UFOs and Alice In Wonderland-like growing furniture, and each of them can be found by throwing grenades and pressing random buttons at inconspicuous walls. Just like in real life, probably.
A Ghostly Child Haunts Pokemon
The latest Pokemon games are Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, and both are about ... the same thing the games you played 17 years ago were about. You get your bizarre creatures and challenge other people who own bizarre creatures. People like Phoebe of the Elite Four here:
When will Pokemon's creators stop using these ridiculous made-up names?
OK, Phoebe, let's ... hold on, what was that? Did you notice something in that chair on the right? Right before the screen went dark? It's only there for a split second -- let's grab a freeze frame:
There is, for no obvious reason, a little girl who suddenly appears on the chair right before the screen fades totally black. That's not all, though. During the cut scene where you talk to Phoebe, this is what you usually see while she's talking:
Who wouldn't form a bond with a creature you're forcing to fight until exhaustion?
But, this is what you see when you talk again after the fight -- look over the character's backpack on the left:
When you see it, you'll shit Blastoises.
Yep, that's the same little girl hiding behind you, again, for no reason. When the camera cuts back, she's gone. It's also worth noting that Phoebe mentions that she trained at Mt. Pyre, which, in the Pokemon universe, is where dead Pokemon are buried. Spooky, right?
Well, you can actually go to Mt. Pyre in the game, and ... hey! Wait a second!
It's the creepy Pokemon ghost girl we told you about last year, and she's still saying you're "not the one." Also, she still isn't doing anything else. What does she want from us?!
And, for a little icing on the horrible, horrible cake, there's possibly a haunted apartment in the game. If you visit the apartment complex in Mauville Hills, you can run around and press the intercoms on all of the apartments just to be a jerk. If you do and no one's home, you get a specific message, but there's one apartment where you get this instead:
What's up with that? Someone ignoring you? Maybe, but there are also nameplates next to each apartment door. Vacant apartments say, "This unit is vacant. - Mauville Real Estate Management." The door with the mystery reply? It says this:
It's either a ghost or a murderous squatter. There is no third option.
Dragon Age: Inquisition Has A Monster Hiding Under The Game World
In glitch-filled games -- read: most games released in this day and age -- it's not uncommon to find a spot where the floor just decides it's not a floor anymore, causing your character to plummet into an empty void for all eternity (or until you hit the reset button). If this happens to you in Dragon Age: Inquisition, however, you might end up coming across a dark, disturbing secret that no one was meant to witness:
"Can ... can I go back to the empty void now?"
Dragon Age is series of BioWare RPGs where you flirt with your party members (whether you like it or not) and sometimes kill dragons. Even in that context, the above creature you see sitting on the ledge to the right is pretty fucking weird -- you can only reach it by falling through a specific spot in the game's geography. At that point, you'll end up with a cave where weird music plays, and you can see some sort of bunny-owl pie thing wearing a top hat. Here's a better look:
Did they even have top hats back in dragon times? This seems wildly unrealistic.
That's a difficult screenshot to get, by the way, because most players who get too close just end up getting stuck in another void. Two days after the game released, a player posted a video on YouTube of the creature, causing the game's creators to stop by the comments to confirm that it was intentional.
And get called gay, inevitably.
The developers call it The Lord Of The Pies, which appears to be a very apt description of whatever the goddamn hell that is, and they didn't really expect anyone to find him so soon or even at all. Furthermore, one of them said he "may or may not have hidden some of his smaller flock around the rest of Skyhold," which, quite frankly, sounds like more of a threat than anything else.
Call Of Duty: Black Ops 2 Hides A Ghostly Jump Scare In Your Rifle Scope
There are so many Call Of Duty games that they were bound to overlap in one of these articles eventually. In fact, in order to break up the series' monotony, developer Treyarch started adding a novelty zombie survival mode to all the games, making Call Of Duty the second most blatant milker of the zombie genre behind Fear The Walking Dead.
The zombie mode has always been a tongue-in-cheek ode to old horror B-movies, full of silly crap such as sodas that give you superpowers. No one plays this thing actually expecting to get scared ... and that's many controllers were ruined when this happened:
Good thing most COD players were already wearing adult diapers.
Taking a page from the edgiest Internet pranksters of 2003, Treyarch included a jump scare in Black Ops 2. If a player with a sniper rifle looks off into the horizon off a certain point off the roof in one of the downloadable levels, they are treated to an ear-bleeding scream and this face suddenly invading their television:
Looking to outdo themselves, the developer put another one in a later downloadable level, which could be triggered by zooming into a burning church out in the distance. So, basically, Treyarch was your dicky friend who kept tricking you with those flash links in middle school.
"I definitely don't see Pamela Ander- JESUS CHRIST! DEREK YOU ASSHOLE!"
Splatoon Has A Secret Not Even The Creator Knew About
Splatoon, if you're not familiar, is one of the first Nintendo games in about 300 years that doesn't feature Mario, Link, Kirby, Samus, or a Pokemon of any ilk. It's a third-person team shooter game where, instead of killing people with bullets, you play as some squid-children who paint things with colorful squid ink. Unlike most shooters of the modern era, you also don't have to worry about being sworn at loudly by 10 year olds over voice chat (though those 10 year olds will still absolutely destroy you).
It's a light, fun game full of bright colors and almost unbearably upbeat music. No one dies in Splatoon; you simply get "splatted" and instantly pop back in your base.
Covered in what you hope is paint.
Yep, no one dies ... on camera, anyway. If you wait around for a while after defeating bosses in the game's single-player mode, you can hear all sorts of insane screaming and clanging noises. The sounds are distant, but here's a version with the volume turned up:
What the hell is that? Not even the guy who invented this game knows. When Splatoon's creator/director was shown the Easter egg, he was just as surprised as any of us. He had no idea it was in the game or what it was meant to be, though he speculated that someone else in the staff might have slipped it in while he wasn't looking.
However, fan theories abound, and the most popular makes a whole lot of sense: The game's antagonists are a race of emo octopi, and the squid-children's mission is to retrieve some energy sources from their world. By stealing the octopi's energy, you might be causing their civilization to crumble and dooming them to die -- hence the "our civilization is crumbling and we're dying"-like noises. So, you know, if you thought Lovecraft was too heady with his undersea, tentacled horror, just take that in instead.
Old-School Racing Game Were Apparently Made By Serial Killers
Racing games have always been a good genre for Easter eggs because the developers have to fill all that empty space on the sides of the road with something. The Nintendo 64 game California Speed, for example, is full of billboards and signs you can look at while speeding it up in the state of California (and wishing you had bought Mario Kart instead). Most of the signs are jokes or references to other games -- but there's one billboard you can't see clearly because some asshole planted a bunch of oil pumps right in front of it:
And because this is a Nintendo 64 game, and the graphics look like shit.
It just looks like some random polygons, so most people probably won't pay much attention as it whips past in the distance. If you get off the road and slowly inch your way to the sign, however, you'll eventually get close enough to read it ... and then instantly regret stopping your car on what we assume must be the grave of at least 37 motorists.
"Wonder who put that there, blood-soaked hitchhiker I picked up 30 seconds ago?"
In the likely case that your reading glasses just cracked as a loud thunderbolt boomed outside your window, the sign says:
God takes mommies
and puppies away ...
And sometimes ...
Just sometimes ...
That's less "fun Easter egg" and more "unpublished Son of Sam letter." This isn't related to the game's story since, again, it's a racing game; there's no fucking story. And yet, this isn't the only time some bored developer decided to inject some inexplicable terror into a driving simulator. The confusingly-named Formula 1 97 for the original PlayStation had several cheat codes you could use to unlock stuff such as new tracks, new music ... or a Biblical plague, for some reason. If you enter the code "CATS DOGS," you can find out what it's like to try to compete in a race while God lobs hundreds of frogs at your face.
Or hundreds of oddly-shaped cat and dog turds, maybe.
To complete the '90s console triumvirate, Sega's Super Monaco GP lets you run over the flagman at the end of each race, which sends him flying into the sky (a great consolation to his wife and children, we're sure). That's not the creepy part, though. If you finish in the top three and press A, B, and C at the same time, in the ensuing ceremony, your racer will be holding his disembodied, smiling head instead of the trophy, perhaps to symbolize that your transformation into a monster is now complete.
Oh well, it's not like people get decapitated for real in this sport or anything.
Harvest Moon: You Can Marry A Child-Eating Rape Monster
Harvest Moon is the game franchise for people who think Pokemon should have less fighting and more farming. You just go around tending to your crops and talking to your neighbors until you ... the word "win" seems ill-fitting here, so let's go with "until you get to see the credits."
Anyway, the games are all pretty cute and inoffensive, but, occasionally, you'll see strange green creatures with George Costanza haircuts lurking around your town. Here's the one from the Wii Harvest Moon, which never interacts with you -- it just watches from afar.
"Sorry, I'm socially awkward. And masturbating."
Well, those things are actually Kappas: mythical Japanese water demons who kill children and rape women. Whenever a child disappeared or a woman became mysteriously pregnant in ancient Japan, it was attributed to a Kappa (probably by the shadiest and/or most handsome guy in the village).
They also have a fascination with cucumbers, which is somehow the creepiest part.
In most Harvest Moon games, the Kappas only make a small cameo (innocent stuff, such as flashing in your mirror for a fraction of a second at exactly 12 a.m.), but the Game Boy Advance edition takes your relationship with it a little further. OK, a lot further:
The Kappa is a half-second man.
By following a specific series of events that take at least five in-game years, you can marry the game's hidden Kappa. It doesn't live with you, though: it only appears in weird visions when you go to bed. However, when it says "You, pregnant," you really do get pregnant -- a doctor confirms it. Then, it shows up again nine months later, and, with its characteristic tact, it says: "Baby, born. Name her."
Note that you get to type your child's name, so you can go with "WTFFFFFFF."
Aaaand that's how this cartoon farming simulator allows you to start a family with a magical rapist. We're surprised FarmVille didn't rip off this feature, too. But, hey, on the upside, at least you know your new husband will never gorge on those potatoes that took you so long to grow! (Get it? Because he eats babies. Haha.)
Maxwell Yezpitelok lives in Chile, and also on Twitter. For more from Ashe, check out Weird Shit Blog and his book, The Book Of Word Records, available now! Looking for a new party game? Chris Rio recommends you download Cheer Up! for free today, and look for it on Kickstarter in 2016.
Want more reasons to avoid games? Read The 6 Creepiest Easter Eggs Hidden In Video Games, and learn about the game that whispers your name. Or check out 6 Video Game Glitches Scarier Than Anything Done On Purpose and see why it's safe to assume all games are haunted.
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