Scientists Didn't Say That Octopuses Are Aliens
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Octopuses are quite weird ... but how weird? Well, according to the Irish Examiner, Metro, Inquisitr, and the Huffington Post, octopuses are "might be coming to probe your butt" weird.
This explains why they look like they were designed by HR Giger.
So shit, they're the descendants of Cthulhu? Should we be building shrines and working on a communication device so octopuses can guide us to their planet, where we'll serve as their slaves? All hail our new octopus overlo-- oh, it was a joke.
You're not allowed to be an overlord when your underlings regularly grill you up and serve you with butter.
Nature. That's probably why no one reads you but, you know, thanks. The scientist who conducted the DNA study used the alien comment to jokingly compare octopuses to other earthbound marine life, because that's how far apart they are. Some of the publications got the joke but rolled with the alien analogy anyway because fuck the facts, while others genuinely seemed to think that scientists had concluded that some sort of octopus meteor slammed into the ocean a million years ago. We're honestly not sure which is worse, but "blatant lies" and "staggering ignorance" are both poor reporting strategies.
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The only alien that Captain Kirk wouldn't bone.