The 10 Cracked Posts Everyone Went Nuts Over Last Week - 6/7
You couldn't escape it. No one could look away, even if they tried. It was all everyone was yammering on about the last few days. Of course, we're talking about - "Holy crap! Will you look at the inside of that penguin's mouth?"
Here are your top ten Cracked shares this week:
The Tsavo Man-Eaters spent nine months skipping through traps like rascally cartoon characters (to eat people, like hard-R horror characters). And it took hunter John Henry Patterson 13 rifle shots just to kill one of them.
"These bizarrely skin-headed lions weren't protecting themselves. They were actively sneaking into camp at night, climbing into tents and dragging the sleeping workers away to their deaths. Those tents were like pistachio shells to the lions, except the nuts inside kept screaming and had families to support, and oh God that's the saddest thing ever."
A penguin's mouth is a conveyor belt of suffering for the live, wriggling prey it consumes. The little fellas just have razor sharp teeth all the way down - teeth in their beaks, teeth on their cheeks, teeth on their tongues. Teeth.
"Sure, a lot of nature's creatures seem harmless, but then they open their mouths..."
A hare tricks a little girl into marriage, then slaps her around and makes her cook feasts for all his deadbeat woodland buddies. Because, fairy tale!
"You should never be short of ways to frighten and confuse children."
NASA's Hubble Telescope found a space unicorn. You're welcome.
"That is of course just an example of pareidolia (the sciencey term for our tendency to see patterns in random smudges, like Jesus in a piece of toast, or a unicorn in a gas cloud). And the vast randomness of space is full of this crap..."
"Telling a young child that he has a terminal illness, that everyone like him has been executed, and that he's being hunted by the government Enemy of the State-style probably already qualifies as some form of psychological torture. But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking real, physical, Quentin Tarantino movie-caliber torture here."
"Within my first weeks in therapy, I was told every other gay person on Earth had been executed...By the end of the so-called 'treatments,' I believed the government was looking for me because the gays had brought AIDS to America and that I now had this disease raging through me."
Jenny's got her finger on the pulse of all the viral trends sweeping the youth market!
If your dog crapped on your bed and ate all your left shoes while you were at work, punishing him way after the fact is pretty cruel. He'll think that you're yelling at him for running up to greet you when you get home.
"When you try and pet him, and calm him by saying (oh so sweetly), 'It's okay,' 'There's nothing to be afraid of,' 'Calm down, Honey,' etc., this 'comforting voice' just confirms in his mind that he does have a reason to be nervous, and this will make your already scared dog even more afraid. So, the dog will think, 'Thunderstorms are serious business, even my owner is worried!' and elevate the threat to priority one."
"The sad fact is that we live in a world where someone always needs a job, and they're always going to be willing to debase themselves, even if only for a little while, to earn the pay they need."
"And this is how your Walmarts thrive. This is how a massive company can treat its employees like garbage and never see a reason to change. Because most people never complain. Most employees can't or won't risk it, out of fear or apathy."
Trust us: we could have done way more than forty.
When European explorers first came ashore, many American Indian tribes recognized "two-spirits," people who had a spirit within them for each gender. And they were fully considered to be the gender they self-identified as, and not their biological sex.
"Even spiritual and political leaders could be transgendered, and their people wouldn't bat an eye: Leaders like We'wah, a cultural ambassador to Washington for the Zuni Nation."