Only one of these popular bastards was chock full of lies. And by "bastards" we mean the articles you shared the most, not the fellas above. Those guys -- both solid.
Yeah but who needs lakes when you've got that big freshwater ocean?
Gold Star Comment: "Good thing climate change is a myth or I would be worried."
Machete don't substitute low fat yogurt for sour cream.
Notable Comment: "Danny Trejo is an awesome man. He had a rough past, learned, grew, became an actor. He is a great example of what we can become as long as we keep moving forward."
Well, sure. All the radiation was absorbed by the giant lizard lurking under the ocean.
Notable Comment: "The Fukushima 50 didn't know that at the time, and they would have gone in regardless. They still deserve our respect."
The first documented 'bad cop' technique ever.
Notable Comment: "I usually point my finger at their head and tell them to pull it and something even more freaky happens."
"Bond, James Bond, in fact - that's all our names."
Notable Comment: "It would be brilliant if they incorporated that into a Bond film. Bond faces an enormous challenge which he can't accomplish alone, and at that very moment Pierce Brosnan walks in.
'Good evening, 007. Ready to save the world again?'"
If joining Scientology requires buying insanity about the evil ruler Xenu freezing billions of victims and stashing them in Earth's volcanoes, how in the hell can it have tens of thousands of members, among them some very wealthy, successful people with no history of mental illness? David Wong tells you how.
Gold Star Comment: "Haha round earth"
Even more insane? His name really was "Shirley."
Notable Comment: "Cough cough cough cough bullshit cough cough cough."
Have you ever wondered why the Bluetooth "B" looks so strange? Well, wonder no more!
Gold Star Comment: "I tried Bluetooth once for a phone I had years ago. It required me to jam an earbud into my ear, which hurt. It kinda felt like a shark had tried to bite my face off and left a tooth in my ear. This made me unhappy, very blue indeed. I thought Bluetooth referred to that feeling. 'There's a sharp tooth in my ear, and I feel blue.'"
And you'll never enjoy homemade macaroni & cheese. Never.
Notable Comment: "Came to agree with the article, stayed for the middle class white ladies telling poors how to live."
We can all agree: no more sleeping with a bra on. Ever.
Gold Star Comment: "Oh great, I can't sleep in a bra anymore. Bloody moobs flopping everywhere."
These hilarious stories should have been taught in every school.
Here are a few historically important sites to which time has been more than unkind.