CRACKED ROUND-UP: Election Edition
Wait, there was another goddamn election? Seriously? Is the black dude still president, or did that old guy win?
Soren saved the third world this week with the simple gift of dozens of animals and firearms. Meanwhile, Bucholz gave the Internet a chill pill with sixteen possible answers for the "time traveler" photo. Brockway brought up D&D flashbacks in half of our audience, while Seanbaby put together a UFC insult dictionary for the other half. Cody covered John Stewart's big rally for country music stars and Dan O'Brien closed us off with the sobering truth about Spiderman.
|6 Things You Won't Believe Can Brainwash You On Election Day
Just in case you had some lingering faith in the democratic process.
Notable Comment: "Should we just make voting mandatory? I mean, why not?"
We don't know redcoast, maybe because of the contents of this article?
|5 Insane Ways Words Can Control Your Mind
So much for 'free will'.
Notable Comment:"Cracked, if you're going basically summarize Guy Deutscher's entire most recent book in an article, perhaps you should give him some credit? "
Prooffreader, no one at Cracked has ever heard of your silly book. We've included your comment because the name "Deutscher" made us giggle like children.
|The 5 Most Epic One Man Rampages In the History Of War
All men have testicles, but these guys had balls.
Notable Comment:"So...Nick Fury was Canadian?"
Yes Dalarsco, his original name was 'Nick Mediated-Discussion'.
|5 Awesome Vehicles for the Extremely Wealthy (And Insane)
Money leads to paranoia, which leads inevitably to 40 foot bullet-proof limosine/spaceships.
Notable Comment: "Aw, c'mon guys. Why you gotta keep picking on Oklahoma? Oklahomans already have to cope with the fact that we live in Oklahoma, do we really need your ridicule, too?"
Sorry, Xervous, but yes. You absolutely do.
|The 5 Most Wildly Illegal Court Rulings in Movie History
Not many lawyers become screen-writers.
Notable Comment: "This is why Judge Dredd doesn't bother with any of this due process crap. Judge, jury, executioner all in one. "
Britlantine barely scratches the surface of the myriad benefits of a Dredd-based justice system.
Agents of Cracked
|Some People Take Prank Wars A Little Too Seriously
GUN prank war it is!
YOU YOU YOU!
|20 Plot Twists Famous Movies Should Have Had
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, If Other Industries Were As Evil as the RIAA
Spidersperm, Spidersperm, does whatever a Spidersperm can, finds a womb, slides inside, it's immune, to spermicide--LOOK OUT! Here comes the Spidersperm!
That old guy working overhead needs to wear briefs from now on.
She said she has big boobs and legs that go on forever, yeah I'm supposed to finally meet her today at the park.
Fatty Long Legs
"Damn, I'm almost on empty...pull over at that day care so I can fill up."
I brake for virgin sacrifices
I like to come to the beach to unwind a little...
Heidi Montag's body rejected the latest plastic surgery, and she began to return to her base form.
"I am Sexulus of Borg. Resistance is Foreplay"
If he couldn't find porn for his fetish, then, by God, he was going to make it.
In other countries, the Tickle Monster is a bad thing. A very bad thing.
Damn Science. I still don't understand String Theory.
To increase manure output, farmers have turned to literally scaring the shit out of their livestock.
It seeds Nightmares.