Oh yeah, Nicolas Cage is in this! Tell me he's as batshit insane as I'm hoping.
It's like he's channeling an unholy trinity of William Shatner, Adam West and Christopher Walken. He plays Big Daddy, a disgraced cop, framed by the city's crime boss. After being released from a five year bid in prison, he trains his 10-year-old daughter to be the sidekick Hit-Girl. Considering the Marvel pedigree of this film, I'll explain it like this: Imagine a "What If" issue where The Punisher was Alan Thicke, and Deadpool was Shirley Temple with Tourette's.
Due to a case of mistaken secret identities, Kick-Ass is forced to work with Big Daddy and Hit-Girl, and from there the film starts slowly cranking up the crazy, until it resembles a Looney Tune written by Frank Miller and directed by Steven Spielberg. It's socially irresponsible, morally irredeemable and pretty goddamned glorious to behold.
So then what's all that garbage about Melodramatic Hot Pockets or whatever you were saying earlier?
Don't get me wrong, the film bothers to create actual characters. For as crazy as Big Daddy and Hit-Girl are, their relationship has real love at the center of it, and they make it felt.