Up Next..."The Disappearing Weapons of Mass Destruction."Cue bongo drums...
What you are witnessing is real. The participants are not actors. They are actual litigants with a case pending in an international court. Both parties have agreed to dismiss their court cases and have their disputes settled here... in our forum... THE PEOPLE'S COURT. ANNOUNCER:
This is the plaintiff, President George W Bush. He claims that the defendant, Saddam Hussein, had weapons of mass destruction that he hid from the world. He's suing Saddam for crimes against humanity and for being a general nuisance.ANNOUNCER:
This is the defendant, Saddam Hussein. He says he got rid of his weapons of mass destruction a long time ago and that the Plaintiff nonetheless trespassed into his country, where he proceeded to bomb and destroy various landmarks. He's countersuing for damage to his country.
Welcome to the People's Court
. Today, we have the case of "The Disappearing Weapons of Mass Destruction."
Judge Wapner is now entering the courtroom. Let's watch.WAPNER:
I know you've been sworn and I have read your complaints.
Mr. Bush, you say that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction?BUSH:
Yes, your honor. He did. He was getting uranium and yellow cake from Niger.SADDAM:
Your honor that is the mother of all lies! I have the memo from your Ambassador, Joe Wilson, in my hand saying that these are...WAPNER:
Hey! I'm not speaking to you! You'll get your chance.
Mr. Bush, please continue.
Well, you know, that's about it. He was a bad man, and the world's better off now that he's not in power.
OK. Now Saddam, you said you have a memo that refutes what the plaintiff claims?SADDAM:
That is correct, your honor. I have this memo from Ambassador Joe Wilson. He specifically went to Niger, investigated these ridiculous claims of the infidel plaintiff about the yellow cake and found that...WAPNER:
Do you have that memo with you? Can I see it?SADDAM:
Of course. Here it...WAPNER:
Just hand it to Rusty, the bailiff, please.
Rusty takes the memo and hands it to Judge Wapner, who glances over it.
Mr. Bush, have you seen this memo?BUSH:
I was briefed your honor, but I did not read...WAPNER:
That's not what I asked. I asked, have you seen this before
Yes, your honor. It was in a pile of papers on my desk. But there were lots of things in that pile, including another memo entitled, "Bin Laden Determined to Attack in the US" and...WAPNER:
OK. Thank you. So do you have any evidence that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction?BUSH:
Well, he was a bad man. He wasn't in compliance with UN Resolutions for over 12 years and after September 11th, we...WAPNER
Let me ask this again: Do you have any evidence that he had weapons of mass destruction?
Evidence? Like what?WAPNER
Like a receipt. Do you have a receipt showing that he bought those weapons?BUSH:
A receipt? I am a war President. The world is safer because of the decisions...WAPNER (annoyed):
Just answer the question, please. WAPNER (turns to SADDAM):
Saddam, the plaintiff is also alleging that you were a nuisance, picked on your neighbors, threw loud parties and a few other things. For instance, you buried yourself in a hole in the ground but didn't have a permit to do so on the property. Is that correct?