For Christ's Sake with Pat Robertson

Many from the liberal Jewish media were jumping down my throat when I said that the US government should take out Venezuela's President, Hugo Chavez. Well, this rambling diatribe is my response to them.

"Taking someone out" does not necessarily mean killing them. I was simply saying that we should take Chavez out on a date, perhaps dinner and a movie. Something with that Antonio Banderas would probably appeal to Chavez- any swarthy Spanish type will do.

Continue Reading Below


There might be handholding, yes, but none of that non-Christian necking that the teenagers are into these days. And if Chavez happens to, say, get shot by a high-performance rifle on our date, well so be it. We can't be blamed for his roiling, equatorial hormones.

Well, I am going to go out on a limb today and make another bold statement about US foreign policy.

I think we need to take out Colombia's Juan Valdez. I am tired of his policy of addicting Americans to that dark, sinister vixen: the coffee bean. Can we afford to let this mustachioed maverick infiltrate our society and schools, addicting our children? The CIA has the capacity to pinpoint Juan Valdez, and his mule, and take them out.

Continue Reading Below


And frankly, come to think of it, I don't care much for that Antonio Banderas either. I was at the Wal-Mart the other day and saw this heathen Banderas has his own cologne out. Now who would want to smell like a Spaniard? I'll just roll around in mule manure, thank you very much.

Next blog: How I feel about my gardener, Jose.

To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments

More Articles

5 Screwed-Up Secrets The Ultra-Rich Don't Want You To Know

You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.


5 Crazy Statistics That'll Change How You Think Of Crime

Criminal behavior can be influenced by some very weird, seemingly random factors.


5 Billion-Dollar Industries That Treat Workers Like Garbage

Even our most popular forms of entertainment can treat their employees like absolute trash.


5 Huge Scandals With Crazy Details The News Barely Mentioned

The news spent weeks reporting on these giant scandals without bothering to mention the stupidest parts.


6 Iconic Movies And Shows That Were Outright Ripoffs

Even Hollywood couldn't deny these films were total thievery.


5 Acts Of Charity That Went Horrendously Wrong

The road to losing your tax exemption status is paved with good intentions.