This isn't industrial alcohol either: these cars run on low-grade but drinkable sake. You know, the drink they serve in sushi restaurants to distract you from the fact that you're eating raw fish, which our wives and girlfriends tell us is quite sophisticated. Most of Cracked's staff may be from Ireland- a nation whose greatest culinary achievement is "Not entirely starving to death during the famine"- but even we know that the invention of fire was a step forward.
Our only hope of avoiding the road-death slaughter of the entire species is to offload these boozemobiles somewhere the combination of alcohol and automobiles is encouraged- NASCAR. We can really see these cars taking off there, quite literally, though there may be trouble adapting the engines for American beer (the only beverage stronger on the way out than the way in). Never mind the organised traffic jam that is Formula One, or the fifty lap discussions of wet and dry tires; real nail-biting tactics will come in as drivers have to decide to drink the gas or save it for left turn #6554 of the south's favorite high speed game, "Avoid the Wall". It may sound easy, but even the best drivers fuck it up once or twice. (Well, once.)