Many parents don't seem to give a lot of thought to what they name their offspring, as little Hashtag and hundreds of baby Sookies can tell you. This is rather unfortunate, because your name can influence how your life turns out in ways you never thought possible. If you don't believe us, ask walking self-fulfilling prophecies like ...
#4. Walter White "Breaks Bad," Gets Busted for Dealing Meth
Breaking Bad follows the wacky escapades of an average man in his 50s named Walter White who gets into the meth-dealing busi- wait, why are we telling you this? Everyone's seen the show by now. Everyone, that is, except Walter White from Montana, an average man in his 50s who was caught last December with 32 pounds of meth in his possession. If only he'd seen the show, White would have found out that dealing meth when you have that name inevitably ends with tears.
Real life did take some artistic liberties when adapting this story, though: This version of Walter White was actually addicted to the stuff he sold. Also, unlike televisual Walter White, the real W.W. was shot by his own son over a drug-related matter. We'll just assume that by "drug" they meant "delicious waffles."
#3. Daisy Cowit Hits Herd of Dairy Cows
Back in November, Daisy Cowit of Wawayanda, New York, abruptly found out that she has been living in a nursery rhyme when she was driving along some farmlands and unexpectedly crashed into a herd of 50 dairy cows.
While the question of whether Cowit hit cows or cows hit Cowit is something to wrack the haikus of various ancient Japanese philosophers/unemployed hipsters, reports found that Cowit was allegedly texting when her car suffered the cattle-tastic calamity. Cowit was not charged for the incident, but Mike Hosking, the farmer who owns the cows, claims that seven of them were hit, while one of them flew 5 feet in the air.
"No use crying over killed milk."
#2. Sam Sung Works for Apple, Then Leaves Them
For those of you not so up-to-date with the latest dealings of the exciting world of nerd-company lawsuits, Apple and Samsung have a complicated relationship that business analysts have described as "frenemies." Samsung has been a major supplier for Apple for years, but recently they've had a bit of a falling out, as Samsung decided to get itself some of that smartphone and tablet action and became Apple's biggest competitor. That's why, when a man named Sam Sung was discovered in 2012 to be working as a "Specialist" at an Apple store, his co-workers could be forgiven for raising an eyebrow.
"Sung ... Sings ... Blackbird ... BLACKBERRY! He's a spy!"
And what do you know, last December it was reported that Sam Sung had left his position at Apple and gone to work for another company. We're shocked, just shocked, that a man who could have called himself "Samuel Sung" on his Apple business card, but went with the name of a hated rival company, would desert Apple like that.
#1. Batman Bin Suparman Grows Up to Become a Criminal
Yep, we're turning it around on this one -- deal with it. A few years ago, the ID of a Singaporean young man named Batman Bin Suparman (which translates to "Batman, Son of Suparman") went viral, netting the kid thousands of fans on the Facebook page in his honor. Unfortunately, after years of getting to tell people "No, please, call me Batman; Suparman is my father," the now adult Internet sensation fell to the dark side earlier this year, when he was caught sneaking into a store at night, stealing from his brother's bank account, and consuming heroin.
"You either die from heroin, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
We can only conclude that the two superhero names cancelled each other out and made him into a villain instead. Let this be a lesson to nerd parents everywhere: Don't get greedy with your child's potentially life-scarring names. One is probably traumatizing enough anyway.
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