Fortey

Fortey's Cracked photo
  • Real Name: Fortey
  • Location: Canada
  • Member Since: November 28th, 2007
  • Last Seen: May 24th, 2012 12:15 pm
  • Personal tag line: I like pie
  • Message board posts: 2,528

About Fortey

I'm Ian Fortey and I am funny.


I also write on HolyTaco.com.

Maybe you'd like to see my rarely updated braindroppings:
twitter.com/IanFortey
twitter.com/holytaco

About me: I can eat 6 pieces of toast in a row. In a row.

Articles

  1. The 7 Worst Things That Can (And Did) Happen at a Funeral
    By: Ian Fortey | | 850,926 views
  2. The TLC Experiment: Just How Dumb is The Learning Channel?
    By: Ian Fortey | | 344,877 views
  3. 8 Romantic Songs You Didn't Know Were About Rape
    By: Ian Fortey | | 3,324,397 views
  4. 6 Reasons Homemade Porn is a Worse Idea Than You Think
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,926,375 views
  5. The 6 Most Bizarre Global Warming Side Effects
    By: Ian Fortey | | 815,539 views
  6. Reminder: 12 'Sexy' Ads That Will Give You Nightmares
    By: Ian Fortey | | 4,363,380 views
  7. The 5 Most Ridiculously Awful Computers Ever Made
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,753,507 views
  8. 6 Fake Foods You (Will Wish You Didn't) Have in Your Kitchen
    By: Ian Fortey | | 2,029,121 views
  9. The 8 Most Insulting Attempts to Raise Money for a Cause
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,234,330 views
  10. 7 High Tech Products And Their Cheap Ass Ingredients
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,579,995 views
  11. The 6 Most Terrifying Medical Malpractice Cases Ever
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,416,523 views
  12. 18 More of the World's Most Disturbing Sex Toys
    By: Ian Fortey | | 2,229,199 views
  13. 10 Popular Porn Scenarios That Seem Highly Implausible
    By: Ian Fortey | | 2,309,420 views
  14. 10 Retarded Money Saving Tips (People Are Actually Trying)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,515,886 views
  15. Why Tech Support Sucks: A Look Behind the Scenes
    By: Ian Fortey | | 392,656 views
  16. 7 Safety Products (for the Incredibly Paranoid)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,201,781 views
  17. 5 Technologies That Turn Handicaps Into Super Powers
    By: Ian Fortey | | 768,145 views
  18. 8 Awesome Cases of Internet Vigilantism
    By: Ian Fortey | | 2,448,907 views
  19. 5 Deadly Sci-Fi Gadgets You Can Build At Home
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,039,405 views
  20. 6 Obnoxious Old People Habits (Explained by Science)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,489,770 views
  21. 6 Bizarre Real World Versions of Fictional Monsters
    By: Ian Fortey | | 886,173 views
  22. 5 Homeless Guys Who Accomplished Amazing Things
    By: Ian Fortey | | 465,209 views
  23. The 8 Most Horrifying Body Modifications
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,609,323 views
  24. The 7 Most Ingenious (And Insane) Smuggling Techniques
    By: Ian Fortey | | 880,203 views
  25. The 5 Most Insane Versions of Thanksgiving Around the World
    By: Ian Fortey | | 297,158 views
  26. The 10 Worst Places to Get Caught Having Sex
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,376,183 views
  27. 7 Bizarre Things (And 1 Bodily Fluid) People Use as Money
    By: Ian Fortey | | 761,845 views
  28. The 6 Ballsiest Scientific Frauds (People Actually Fell For)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 684,249 views
  29. 9 Awesome Places to Have Sex (And the Horrific Consequences)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 4,635,476 views
  30. The 5 Most Overrated Jobs Of All-Time
    By: Ian Fortey | | 2,047,954 views
  31. 6 Saints Who Could Kick Your Ass
    By: Ian Fortey | | 930,182 views
  32. 7 Things From Pop Culture That Apparently Piss Jesus Off
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,056,589 views
  33. 5 Real World Criminals Who Were Certified Supervillains
    By: Ian Fortey | | 2,123,976 views
  34. 7 Important Historical Breakthroughs (In Masturbation)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 590,868 views
  35. 5 Sex Experts Who Made the World a Worse Place (To Do It)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,336,882 views
  36. The 7 Most Bizarre Fast Food Industry Lawsuits
    By: Ian Fortey | | 968,080 views
  37. Man's 6 Most Ridiculous Attempts To Take On Mother Nature
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,002,145 views
  38. 13 Things You Won't Believe Are Against the Law Somewhere
    By: Ian Fortey | | 499,002 views
  39. 13 Last Requests That Prove It's OK to Laugh at Dead People
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,122,769 views
  40. PathetiCon: 8 Geek Conventions God Never Intended
    By: Ian Fortey | | 273,546 views
  41. The 10 Most Innovative Bathrooms From Around the World
    By: Ian Fortey | | 457,823 views
  42. The 10 Most Terrifying Guides to Sex
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,442,663 views
  43. The 6 Most Innovative Brothels From Around the World
    By: Ian Fortey | | 816,729 views
  44. 8 Classic Movie Robots That Actually Suck at Their Job
    By: Ian Fortey | | 830,226 views
  45. History's 9 Most Terrifying Beauty Tips
    By: Ian Fortey | | 555,930 views
  46. The 8 Least Intimidating Gangs in Movie History
    By: Ian Fortey | | 845,804 views
  47. 10 Scenes of Brutal Violence Guaranteed to Make You Laugh
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,715,391 views
  48. History's 7 Most Astounding Sexual Resumes
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,535,666 views
  49. 6 Insane Cults (That Would Probably Be a Lot of Fun)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 763,671 views
  50. The 10 Craziest Scientific Experiments Ever Conducted
    By: Ian Fortey | | 614,775 views
  51. The 10 Most Disturbing PSA's From Around the World
    By: Ian Fortey | | 729,845 views
  52. History's 10 Most Terrifying Contraceptives
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,832,239 views
  53. 5 Certifiably Insane Politicians People Still Voted For
    By: Ian Fortey | | 299,906 views
  54. The 25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys
    By: Ian Fortey | | 6,199,411 views
  55. The 10 Most Bizarre Military Experiments
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,400,696 views
  56. The 15 Most Bizarre Animal Mating Rituals
    By: Ian Fortey | | 1,384,587 views
  57. 20 Tacky Religious Products Guaranteed to Anger God
    By: Ian Fortey | | 668,731 views
  58. 14 Valentine's Day Gifts Guaranteed to Not Get You Laid
    By: Ian Fortey | | 432,709 views
  59. Reminder: The 6 Most Unsettling Medication Side Effects
    By: Ian Fortey | | 911,211 views

Columns

  1. 5 Supposedly Fun Activities That Are Actually Terrifying
    By: Ian Fortey | | 659,683 views
  2. The 5 Least Sexy Experiences Everyone Goes Through
    By: Ian Fortey | | 809,641 views
  3. Who Killed Ian Fortey? A Roshomon Style Murder Mystery
    By: Ian Fortey | | 99,914 views
  4. 5 Childhood Heroes from the 80s That Let Me Down
    By: Ian Fortey | | 254,468 views
  5. 3 Psychic Hotlines Put to the 'Ghostbusters' Test
    By: Ian Fortey | | 193,704 views
  6. 10 Pop Culture Staples of my Childhood: A Shameful Look Back
    By: Ian Fortey | | 294,357 views
  7. Hobophobia: The 5 Vagrants Who Ruined My Psyche
    By: Ian Fortey | | 512,723 views
  8. 8 Horrifying Uses of Branding (Feat. Hello Kitty Pads)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 359,788 views
  9. Least Believable Page on the Web: Large Penis Support Group
    By: Ian Fortey | | 278,757 views
  10. The 5 Most Socially Awkward Situations Everyone Deals With
    By: Ian Fortey | | 601,153 views
  11. Why The Zombies Have It Worse in a Zombie Apocalypse
    By: Ian Fortey | | 272,494 views
  12. The 5 Worst Places to Go for Online Sex Advice
    By: Ian Fortey | | 429,304 views
  13. 5 Awesome Things Monkeys Can Do (Better Than Most Humans)
    By: Ian Fortey | | 317,923 views
  14. The 7 Most Horrifying Things Found in the Homes of 'Hoarders'
    By: Ian Fortey | | 455,083 views
  15. The 5 Most Horrifying Attempts to Teach Sex Ed to Children
    By: Ian Fortey | | 442,797 views
  16. 5 Of New Columnist Ian Fortey's Finest Cracked Articles
    By: Ian Fortey | | 38,695 views

Topics

  1. Sex Toys
    By: Fortey | | 44,869 views
  2. Bears
    By: Fortey | | 9,290 views
  3. Gargoyles
    By: Fortey | | 6,431 views
  4. Journey
    By: Fortey | | 28,437 views
  5. Shaggy
    By: Fortey | | 2,793 views
  6. Tom Cruise
    By: Fortey | | 9,687 views
  7. William Shatner
    By: Fortey | | 3,155 views
  8. Penis
    By: Fortey | | 6,274 views
  9. MacGyver
    By: Fortey | | 3,395 views
  10. The Build-A-Baldwin Workshop
    By: Fortey | | 81,052 views

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