Admittedly, the numbers aren't staggering--there was one shark related fatality in 2007, but by May of 2008 there were already four. According to this site there were 12 in 2009. So that's going up by 300 percent every year. By our math, by the year 2029 every single human on earth will have been eaten to death by a shark, some more than once.
It's gonna happen... again.
You'll Get Kidney Stones
If you've been hoping to never have to painfully blast a small, sharp object out of your wang, we have unfortunate news. The American Urological Association has done some research that indicates global warming is going to lead to an increase in kidney stones. That, in turn, leads to an increase of solid objects in your dick. That's pretty much the one place solid objects are never supposed to be.
Dehydration in warmer climates is a major cause of kidney stones, and global warming is going to make this problem worse as everything starts to warm up. Right now, 40% of the population lives in a risk zone for kidney stones, which we assume is like living in a really shitty neighborhood and being at risk of being shot, only this time it's your kidney's shooting you, and the barrel of the gun is your dong. The prediction is that this will increase to 50% by the year 2050.
Puddle of urine, circa 2050.
The AUA is guessing this will lead to an increase of one to two million cases of kidney stone disease with the cost of treatment rising to one billion dollars. Uh, guys, it's not the cost we're worried about.
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For more environmental shenanigans, check out 5 Ways People Are Trying to Save the World (That Don't Work) and The 7 Most Retarded Ways Celebrities Have Tried to go Green.
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