The 7 Dumbest Things Students Do When Cramming for Exams
Each year before the holidays, college students find themselves staring down the barrel of exam week. Fortunately, they're totally serious about learning the information and they aren't getting up from this desk until they do! Unfortunately, desperation can only be directly converted into high scores on reality TV. But this crawling panic and insane workload is a great learning experience. College is all about preparing for the real world, and this is one of life's favorite lessons to teach: You've screwed up badly and there will soon be a reckoning. How do you deal with that?
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Plan A
The first and most important thing is to actually deal with it, because running away from college only dumps you in the real world faster. And make no mistake: In the game of life college isn't even easy mode, it's the bonus level. You want to enjoy it all the way to the end. Here are seven ways your brain can trick you into studying without actually learning anything.
#7. Osmosis Doesn't Work
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Listen, students, this might sound crazy but it's important: You are not squirrels. You may be hyperactive mammals frantically running around trying to mate, hibernate and look hilariously retarded in online photographs, but there's an important difference: Hoarding things doesn't help you. Students spend the days leading up to exams stockpiling handouts, photocopies, printouts and textbooks by the video game logic that simply owning books makes you smarter.
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My INT score is higher than my IQ.
Your head won't absorb knowledge because you built a library on your table. If you find yourself doing this, simply take a deep breath, and tell yourself it's not your fault. You're trying to cram three months worth of information into a brain that stress has tricked into thinking it's being chased be a bear. Hell, you're lucky you're not wearing your socks on your hands right now.
But that doesn't mean you should let yourself off the hook when you notice yourself doing this. In my time working at universities, one thing I noticed without fail was that the terrible students would "study" by piling up work all around them, then sit there wasting time and being miserable until the clock said they were finished. Which is actually brilliant preparation because that's exactly the type of job they'll get.
Instead, try starting with something manageable like reading one book you were supposed to have read. And when you do, keep in mind that ...
#6. Highlighters Aren't Magic
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If you've ever been to college, or a coffee shop within two miles of one, you've seen a student painting their notes like a My Little Pony in drag. In Thailand. We shouldn't have to explain that highlighter pens aren't like supermarket scanners -- they might drag bright lights over things but they don't instantly upload data.
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If fluorescent pink burned information into brains no one would be against gay marriage.
Again, this is just your brain flipping out. People having nervous breakdowns revert back to infancy and start flinging their poop around. You're having 40 percent of a nervous breakdown, and reverting to preschool logic. "I'll take the most essential parts of my course and COLOR THEM IN! Yay!"
It's understandable, but it's profoundly stupid. If you notice yourself lighting a textbook up like TRON fanfic, drop the highlighter. Instead, try writing out the key points of your reading material on a separate page you can study easily and anywhere. If that sounds like too much work, well done, you've just found out why people highlight instead.
#5. Stop Nest Building
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In times of stress, the Examinated Student (Stressus Procrastinatus) can spend over an hour crafting the perfect study nest to defend itself from guilt. It all has to be just right, from lighting to coffee, because every single thing that needs to be fixed is another reason not to actually study yet. Some students spend longer trying to reach the perfect setup than Buddhist Monks spend trying to reach Nirvana, and with less tangible results.
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I simply can't study without at least one photogenic minority in shot.
#4. If You're Re-Reading, You're Probably Not Really Studying
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Re-reading your notes does not count as studying, even if it is the easiest way to technically study while watching Mad Men. Also, you're ruining Mad Men. Watch Mad Men, and then set aside time to actually engage with the material. If you're in science or engineering, do problems. If you're in history, write out key elements of a period in a paragraph, or try to teach the chapters you've read to your lazy roommate who didn't read them, and have him try to teach you the ones he read.
If you're in English lit, put down the play you already read, and write a one page essay discussing how Hamlet was the greatest pussy of all time. Do something, anything, which tests your knowledge or makes you actually think, then use your notes to find out what you'd forgotten. Then do the problem again. Instead of sitting and reconfirming, "Yep, I sure can read this language all right!"
You've surely earned a B.A. in Cracked Appreciation by now.
Fake studying is the worst waste of time since the American pilot of Doctor Who. If you don't want to study, there are bars full of other people having more fun than you while not studying. And while they're screwing themselves, they figure they might as well screw each other. You'll always find the best college parties just before the exams. You're missing that by studying, so make sure it's worth it.
This is a beautiful article. I wish I had found it during my exam week. :p
ReplyI'm so f*****g guilty with #6 and this article made me realize that. I guess I liked the pretty colors. Yea, after I read this and looked over my notes again, the whole rage looked like a rainbow. Luckily, I've started to curb that and just use one color to highlight things I know I won't remember, like names, books, and terms. Thanks Cracked, seriously though, this article is great.
Reply#3 - Get your editor drunk.
ReplyHighlighting when you're going over the material in the first place can be helpful later on when you're studying. Most college text doesn't come with the nifty bold lettering that students are used to. Makes it hard to find anything in a textbook where you have to swim through the irrelevant s**t to get to what the professor wants you to learn. In these cases, its nice to use a highlighter, so you can highlight the sections you actually need. Has nothing to do with learning it and everything to do with finding pertinent information.
ReplyI don't think I've ever had a textbook that didn't have bolded parts, except literature anthologies which never did before college either.
I don't highlight but that's because I use the information twice- when I learn it, and when I copy it onto flashcards.
What this SHOULD say is "AVOID THE INTERNET, ESPECIALLY CRACKED" Also, this is a list of stupid stuff you SHOULDNT do for exams, so why is #3 something you SHOULD do? to avoid a double negative "dont not do study problems"?
Replyi agree avoid the freakin internet. also why was this posed in november not say december 12-15???
In my first year, I was guilty for all of these things. Now I'm just consistently guilty for three of them. Progress people.
ReplyI believe an 8th should be "Reading articles about dumb things students do when cramming for exams instead of actually cramming for exams"
ReplyWell, I can say that I have encountered one (and only one, so far) course in which the reading and lectures were entirely different. Reading was on early psyhology and philosophy pioneers, strictly about pioneers. The lectures had nothing to do with the pioneers, nor any elaboration on the academic climate of those times, or related schools of thought, or anything to do with the evolution of psychology and the resulting variable schools of thought. Instead, we talked about dynamicalism (in short, his example for this was catalysts in chemical reactions and universal dimensions). There were some really cool aspects he addressed, such as the future of western psych and all of that, but, of all of the things we learned in class, only basic questions on the readings were asked. (like, who Freud was, what behaviorism is, etc). I had to take an incmoplete in the course for health reasons. I did not have the course slides. I asked him for them so I could prepare. He told me, no joke, there were only 2 questions from lecture (out of 50), and he will throw those out. I thought I was the only person who thought this. My good friend (smart as all get out) told me class was a waste. As did my friend who took it next quarter. As did the kid I tried to get notes from for that quarter. As did this random kid I happened to talk to outside the prof's office. Basically, I could have used that time to rest, then catch up on reading. Granted, the stuff was interesting, and I am all for getting the most out of your college experience as possible ($ anyone?). But I had hoped for elaboration and comparisons and such between the theories. All I am getting is the overview you learn in general psych. And that makes me sad.
ReplyWish I had this article about 5 years ago.
ReplyAlso, I love people on facebook complaining about having to study for exams. That should be on here. Facebook does not equal Study time
amen, brother.
Luke McKinney has three degrees, therefore he has spent his whole life on the system, therefore he is unable to see the system is almost as dumb as spending your whole life in it.
ReplyEat a bag of dicks.
everything after middle school is useless unless you are going to be a doctor or lawyer. 95% of jobs are learned entirely on the job and/or can be done by almost anyone. College is a waste of money except that now you have to have a bachelors degree just to compete in the job market with the other million applicants who also have bachelors degrees in art history or whatever. I'm $50,000 in student loan debt and I got a job after college that doesn't require a degree at all anyway cause it actually pays better than the jobs that required a degree. (also i could have been working/saving for the 4 years i was in college rather than racking up debt). if you still want/need a degree, don't drive yourself to suicidal stress levels over getting straight A's-no employer gives a crap, all they care about is that you have a degree.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThis, this is depressingly true.
It's not like most educations are very good at actually teaching people, anyways. If you want to learn something you will have to do that in your free time (a good way to spend time, I might add).
Yea. I work in an Education and Enrichment department at my church. We try to get kids into college, but we make sure to tell them that A) college is a means, not an end, to getting a good job. If you can find one without a degree, that pays well, it makes no sense to go through the debt. B)not everyone is fit for college. Sounds mean, but true. C)Don't stress too much about grades, just do well; unless you plan on continuing on to grad school, as I am. I am working for a "hybrid" degree, ultimately for work as a uni prof and maybe some govt. work. I have scary stress levels bc at that level, you need to insert yourself into some really prominent and powerful social situations. It's not entirely about the education itself. It's a big part about being associated with those people. But if you are not going the extended educatino route, I tell them to just don't stress too much. Plus, you can land some pretty sweet jobs out of the military, without having a degree first. I was recruited for engineering (mainly because I'm female. But that's another issue entirely), and the best part was I didn't need to have majored in it, nor taken any course in it. Education is in house. Likewise for JAG (basically law for the military). They train you there. Does education help? But it ain't the end all be all. Too many people say it is.
It's much easier, and far more accurate to just say that most BSs are useful and most BAs aren't.
I'm a TA and just emailed this to all my students!
Reply"I'm a TA"
You are also awesome for giving them tips, but do you think letting them loose on an antiproductivity site like cracked was a good idea?
They're a TA. Reading Cracked. They probably think it's the greatest idea ever to have been thought ever.
Um... no Macbeth was the biggest p***y of all time!
ReplyI don't know about that... You have to be pretty tough to order your best friend's murder and kill your ruler.
I always find music is the thing that really motivates me to study. If i have my headphones on Elvis Presley could perform an impromptu concert in front of my house but I'd be too focused on Organic Chemistry and Bob Dylan to notice. (Because f**k Elvis.)
ReplyIf you highlight properly, you can actually increase the retention of the material...colour code for specific types of information and it can be easier to recall during exams.
Replyyes but coloring the page yellow is pointless...and what most people do.
I do this with each little section/chapter of my textbook -- I read the entire thing and underline in pencil. Then I reread what I underlined and sort out the important and highlight. It takes awhile the first time around, but it sure saves time when I'm reviewing for an exam!!
You know the sad thing is i do every single thing on the list especially highlighting at this moment my notes look like my little pony just shat out rainbows all over it
ReplyExams were never my problem. It was the papers. There is nothing more terrifying to me than a blinking cursor on a new document.
ReplyTo comment on #1: In highschool my chem teacher and many others told us plenty of times how college professors do nothin to teach you. And they were right. They are their to do research and get a paycheck not to teach you. They'll give you work which you hand in and never return.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesBetween the cost of "higher education" and the crappy, stuck up, overpaid professors who "teach" you, it wouldn't even be worth it if idiots didn't require a piece of paper to get a job.
Considering I had awesome professors who taught me everything and didn't actually need to study through college because of the way they packaged information, I would say you are wrong, but chances are you are right for most schools. I didn't go to an over expensive, overrated big name school...and I am happier and better educated for it.
Still blaming others you failed out, huh...
I agree w AshleighAllen. Some professors are just awful and don't care about their students, but I've found most professors and TAs genuinely want to help the students. I think most get fed up when a student, the night before the exam, emails them saying, "I don't get x, y, and z" because that's what office hours are for! Everyone always told me freshman year to go during office hours -- I was a scared little n00blet back then, but office hours are the s**t.
I wish I'd read this before doing my first ever college exams (college means high school in NZ, so not the same thing, but still)... I highlighted the s**t out of my notes and slept with my books under my pillow.
ReplyAt least I know what to do when I get to real, proper college exams
The title of this article is the complete opposite of the headings, once again reversed by the information in each paragraph. So you're trying to tell me that "Doing Exam Problems" is "One of the 7 Dumbest Things Students Do"? Either change the title, or the headings of each of the main points. You give helpful (although quite obvious) advice, but the contradiction is obvious.
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