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The 4 Most Baffling Things Hiding in the 'Avengers 2' Poster

If you noticed your Facebook and Twitter feeds exploding with geeky buzzwords this past weekend, it's because San Diego Comic-Con was going down, and all the major movie studios and comic book companies were blowing geek minds with big reveals of upcoming projects. One of the biggest moments was when Marvel brought all 47 members of the Avengers onto the stage to tease audiences with a glimpse of Avengers: Age of Ultron.

As a part of the unending hype train for the next Avengers movie, Marvel took the piecemeal approach to unveiling their masterpiece of movie marketing: a giant poster featuring Avengers old and new being swarmed by Ultron's robotic army.

Marvel/Disney

It's a gorgeous work. I got my hands on a high-resolution version, zoomed in close, and took in the fine filaments that together form this incredible picture. I've stared at it for a long, long time, examining every minute detail. Through all my gawking and nerd-bonering, I not only gained a greater appreciation of the labor of love this must have been for artists Ryan Meinerding, Charlie Wen, and Andy Park, but got to see some silly details sprinkled throughout the poster. It's a beautiful, chaotic brawl when viewed as a whole, and it's a Where's Waldo? of goofy shit when examined up close. Details like ...

#4. Scarlet Witch Posing for the Camera

Marvel/Disney

Everyone in that poster is in the middle of something. They're busy. They don't have time to care about anything other than trying not to get killed. All but one, that is: Scarlet Witch, who's played by Elizabeth Olsen. Of all the Avengers, she's the only one who noticed that someone set up a canvas and decided to capture this terrifying, unspeakably bonkers moment in human history by painting it. Scarlet Witch couldn't help but notice that an unseen spectator wanted to capture her fierce battle essence, so she struck a sassy pose for the artist as she obliterated a robot's head:

Marvel/Disney

The Hulk's there trying to rip robots off his body, and Captain America is trying to bulldoze his way through a murderous metallic sea -- Scarlet Witch, meanwhile, thinks she's the center of a flash mob. She's bustin' moves and projecting her inner Sasha Fierce. Splatting that robot's head into red mist is just a repercussion of her passionate choreographed dance. And I know she's dancing because she's in the middle of performing the exact move the Backstreet Boys do in the video for "Everybody."

She's an opportunist. Humanity is about to be killed off by a sentient robot and his legion of robot soldiers -- might as well get a modeling contract out of it. And if working it doesn't land her a career worthy of a Kardashian, she'll use her insane power to alter reality as she sees fit to get herself some of the precious mana of fame she richly desires. Work it, girl; get that cover of Cosmo.

#3. Thor's Arm Is the Most Unrealistic Thing in the Entire Picture

Marvel/Disney

There's a lot of silly, fantastical comic book bullshit going on in that poster: a giant monster-man fighting robots, a man dressed as a robot fighting legit robots, two squishy humans with no superpowers who aren't getting ripped apart the way ground beef would if it were thrown at a jet turbine -- lots of suspended disbelief is needed to buy into the world and start having fun. But somehow one very normal thing is the most unrealistic part of the entire poster:

Marvel/Disney

Out of context, I would think that's a picture of a misshapen peanut wearing a glove. In context, it's Thor's right arm. I know he's a god, and I know he's a comic book character, but I don't have arm blindness. I have before and will continue to see what Chris Hemsworth's arms actually look like. The guy's got godly arms because he can suck the protein out of an egg through its shell, and he tucks a horse's pituitary gland in his armpit when he works out so he can absorb horse strength. None of that can make an arm look like a woman who's pregnant on both sides.

His biceps isn't all that crazy. It's his triceps that makes me think Jiffy Pop popcorn is going to spring out through a tear in his skin with a burst of buttery steam. But notice how his left arm isn't nearly as intense:

Marvel/Disney

Conclusion: Thor wields Mjolnir with the left and masturbates with his right. Puzzled solved. Moving on ...

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Luis Prada

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