If you're anything like me, you prefer to do things yourself -- whether that's fixing your car, building a shed or, in this case, putting together your new PC. If you're anything like me, you're a wildly incompetent borderline alcoholic narcissist with rage issues and an irrational distrust of technology. If you're anything like me, this is not going to go very well for you ...
Step 1. Assess Your Needs
Are you absolutely sure that you need a new computer? If your games are sluggish, a dose of RAM and a new video card might do the trick. If you're running out of space, that's just a new hard drive. If porn sites aren't letting you in anymore, just steal someone else's credit card. All of those are way easier fixes than building a new rig from scratch. Pretty much the only reasons to purchase and construct an entirely new custom PC is if you ...
A. really know what you are doing,
B. do not have any kind of computer at all, or
C. are very drunk, and somebody told you that you couldn't do it.
Well, fuck you, Gary -- you don't know me. You don't know my history. I'll build -- I can build whatever I want. I can build a boat. And I'll call it the S.S. Suck My Boat-Dick, Gary.
Step 2. Acquire the Parts
Now, before you go off and do something drastic, like "shop," you'll want to take a look around you. Why buy new, when used might do the job just fine? Don't be a wasteful member of our consumerist society. Odds are that your friends and neighbors all have computers. You know what's easier than buying and building a brand new PC? Petty larceny!
If you're worried about getting caught, here's a trick: Only steal one part at a time. Plenty of people will call the cops because somebody stole their computer -- nobody calls the cops because they're "pretty sure the dirty-bathrobe guy from next door jacked my heat sink."
If you're encountering some difficulty with this step, and a good, heavy brick doesn't quickly alleviate the problem, you're going to have to go to a store. You could probably order online, but man, if you had access to a working credit card, you'd still be getting into porn sites and there would be no reason to build a new PC, right?