Gamers love searching for Easter eggs, developers love hiding them, and both are nurturing an epic vitamin d deficiency. Hidden gems that range from ghost stories to dick islands can be locked away from prying eyes during the development process, and we've made it our mission to tell you about them. That way, if you ever play these games, you can skip past all that lame 'questing to save the world' crap and get straight to the secret swearing, gore, and pixel sex.
6SiN Lets You Watch the Villain Masturbate
The advent of 3-D graphics led to an explosion of block-breasted sex objects that took over the gaming scene despite looking partway between mud flap silhouettes and a shovel, and 1998's SiN was no exception. Say hello to the game's poorly spelled and even more poorly proportioned antagonist, Elexis Sinclaire.
Who'll live on in Rule 34 after all games are forgotten.
Elexis is a sensual, over-the-top dominatrix with the personality of two balloons stuck on a broom. She spends half the game trying to destroy the world and the other half tricking you with her vagina. Despite several teases, the game has no nudity, but the developers weren't the sort of people to let a virtual sex doll go to waste.
One level takes you through Elexis' compound, where you can find a hidden security camera feed of her lounging in a hot tub. You get to watch the back of her head as she gyrates around and an audio clip of a moaning woman that was probably ripped from a porno. The scene only lasts a few seconds, but how weird is it that the developers thought gamers would love to watch the character who's been trying to kill them and take over the world jill off? It would be like rewarding dedicated Mario fans with a glimpse of Bowser's throbbing boner.
"Sorry, but our dignity is in another castle!"
Dedicated horndogs can activate "no-clip" mode, which allows you to move through walls. This lets you access the hot tub, which is normally cut off from the rest of the level. Using your newfound ghost pervert skills, you can see the animation that the previous camera shot obscured in its full Sears catalog-caliber eroticism.
It's worth noting that SiN was rushed into stores with flaws and game-breaking bugs. But the developers had their priorities straight! Rather than make their game playable, they spent their time adding a secret, poorly animated scene of a woman masturbating. Because they knew that watching some blocky, awkward hands rubbing over oblong genitals while their partner stares straight ahead -- their face a mask of frozen, unblinking apathy -- would help prepare a generation of gamers for the real sex they would eventually experience.
5Tiger Woods 99 PGA Tour Vs. "Jesus Vs. Santa Claus"
Unlike the 8,000 layers of copy protection that modern games use to lock you out of the actual game you just bought, you could look at everything that was on an original PlayStation CD simply by sticking it in your computer. That's obviously the first thing you'd do when handed a copy of Tiger Woods 99 PGA Tour because otherwise what are you going to do? Play it? You know it's a game about golf, right?
That's only 50 percent more fun than actual golf.
Besides, if you skipped the "game" and went straight to browsing the file directory, you'd discover something far more entertaining. See, most old CD games had large dummy files designed to fill any leftover disc space, but someone working on 99 PGA Tour either didn't know how to make one or just flat out didn't care. They figured they had exactly enough space fit the five-minute South Park pilot "Jesus vs. Santa Claus" on there, so that's what they did.
They renamed it ZZDUMMY.DAT and chuckled all the way home, sure that their ruse would never be discovered -- after all, what late '90s video game player was nerdy enough to own both a PlayStation and a computer?
Obviously, it was quickly discovered. Now, if you've ever seen an episode of South Park, you know that the show's violent and profane tone doesn't exactly jive with the golf demographic. Understanding that children who had been gifted a golf game were suffering enough without having to watch Santa get the shit beat out of him, EA recalled 100,000 copies of the game. Reviews for the corrected version of the game presumably went down once critics realized that cartoons are way more fun than pretend golf.