3Bon Scott of AC/DC Sang Bubblegum Pop
The Artist You Know:
Bon Scott was the much-loved original singer of AC/DC -- to this day, 35 years after his death, fans still refer to the howling cab driver they hired to replace him as "the new guy."
Scott brought a loud, crazy, frantic, and overtly sexual energy to the group, not to mention an 8-year-old's sense of humor. He also played the bagpipes and dared anyone to tell him they weren't awesome, which of course nobody did because they totally were.
If he had lived, we like to think "rock-and-roll pan flute" was next on his bucket list.
The Artist You Don't Know:
"My old man's got big balls, too."
That's Bon Scott, the impish, sex-crazed frontman of AC/DC, on the right, wearing a cardigan sweater and an "I'm taking your daughter out for milkshakes after church" haircut. It's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll, but apparently at least part of that journey takes you right through Bubblegum Pop Land. Scott's band was called the Valentines, and they were precisely as loud and hardcore as that picture suggests. Here they are performing a version of "Build Me Up Buttercup" that is somehow even less threatening than the breezy Foundations original:
In this song, Scott quietly sings backup for the band's other lead singer, the aptly named Vince Lovegrove, and doesn't do much else aside from awkwardly dance with all the enthusiasm of a hostage in a snuff film.
Scott sings lead in the Valentines' "Every Day I Have to Cry," which is a song about how his girlfriend doesn't love him anymore, and the only solution is to cry absolutely all of the time about it:
As it turns out, endless tears, corny dancing, and calling your dad a "groovy old man" were not really what young people wanted to listen to, so the Valentines didn't last long.
None of these men look proud of what they were doing.
Scott eventually found his raunchy punk-rock spirit with AC/DC, while Lovegrove went on to manage the Divinyls, a band whose one hit, "I Touch Myself," was ironically every bit as explicit as anything Scott ever sang about.
"And we shall immortalize him with a giant bronzed bulge."
2The Bee Gees Was a Kid Band Doing Acoustic Pop Songs
The Band You Know:
The falsetto princes of disco known as the Bee Gees are responsible for the only songs from that period of musical history that anyone will actually admit to liking. They are also largely responsible for the career of John Travolta, a fact that is presented here without comment.
Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
The Band You Don't Know:
Before they grew their face and chest beards out and donned golden jackets infused with the spirit of jaunty dancing, the Bee Gees (or rather the Bee Gee's, for some tragic reason) played Happy Days-style pop ballads while looking like three teenagers selling candy bars to pay for the senior prom.
Robin Gibb looks like Martin Short playing Robin Gibb in a Saturday Night Live sketch.
The Brothers Gibb started recording way back in 1958, when they were more or less the baby boomer equivalent of Hanson. They spent the intervening 20 years between Buddy Holly and roller skating dance clubs crooning about girls over folksy acoustic guitar arrangements, Barry singing lead, while his two child-laborer brothers provided the backing chorus.
Luckily, they were skilled enough to take the lead whenever Barry got too embarrassed to continue.
The music isn't necessarily bad (the three brothers could sing, after all), but it is easily some of the blandest music ever recorded, an observation that is supported by virtually every photograph taken of the Bee Gees during that stage of their career.
"Part of me wants to rip this suit open and expose my rippling, hairy man chest,
but what are the odds of anyone enjoying that?"
Getting older and hitting reverse puberty is unquestionably the best career decision they ever made.