4Voles Get Peer-Pressured to Drink More
While they may look like cute little fur-covered turds, the North American rodent known as the prairie vole harbors a deep and dark secret that would shame most humans: Its species is seemingly comprised solely of competitive alcoholics, which is bad news for all vole spouses out there but fantastic news for social scientists wanting to research the nature of peer pressure and social drinking.
Crippling substance abuse has never looked so adorable.
In an experiment from Oregon Health & Science University and the Portland Veterans Affairs Medical Center, a bunch of voles were put in a cage with two bottles, one containing water and the other 6 percent ABV booze. Their drinking habits were then scrutinized, and when left alone, it was observed that the voles tended to drink equal amounts of water and alcohol. However, when housed with another vole, like their sibling, the rodents turned into literal party animals, choosing the alcohol over water 80 percent of the time while their furry companion assumingly kept egging them on and calling them the vole equivalent of "pussy."
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"Chug it, bro! What are you, a hamster?!"
Some pairs drank so much that they were probably sharing stories about how seeing their cousin in a bikini gave them a boner that one time, while others were more modest in their alcohol consumption. But in each case, the voles always tried to drink the exact same amount as the other critter in the cage, almost as if their fuzzy reputation was at stake, which is pretty much how humans invented binge drinking.
Hopefully they all got matched with other voles; you never wanna try to go drink for drink with the big guy.
Maybe it was all one big coincidence, though. Maybe these voles will match each other no matter what they drink. Researchers thought about that and conducted another experiment in which the fur-pies were given sugar water, which (other than alcohol) is their favorite thing in the world. While they did enjoy it more than water, the drink-matching behavior stopped completely for the exact same reason why you never see people doing Coke stands at college frat parties.
3Puppies Let Girls Win
Remember when you were a kid and you first started to actually enjoy playing with the opposite sex? Well, if you did, then you probably let your girl pal win from time to time, like giving her the opening to make that basket by "accidentally" tripping. You didn't do it because you were sexist, you did it because you were a kid and you wanted to play as long as possible. Or maybe you were going through what famed physician Dr. P. Anka aptly called "puppy love," seeing as the exact same behavior is often observed among young dogs.
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Although the puppies don't pop as many awkward boners.
Studies have shown that puppies actually treat girls very differently when it comes to play fighting, often exposing sensitive areas such as the neck or muzzle and letting their partner bite them there, which apparently wins you all the points in doggy-style wrestling. It's important to note that in such cases, the male puppies are always at a physical advantage, yet often fall to the ground like a boxer taking a dive whenever they are playing with girl dogs. However, when going against wiener dogs with wieners, the puppies turn into Rocky as trained by Cobra Kai, showing no mercy to their opponents.
"THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF YOUR GENITALS!"
Camille Ward from the University of Michigan claims that the puppies allow themselves to lose to endear themselves to the females, which will hopefully be followed by more hours of play fighting and eventually some sexy times.
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Because it's hard to lay down an effective pick-up line when you look goofy in sunglasses.
This is interesting because nature usually prefers that their adolescents sweat testosterone through their wife-beaters and dominatingly impregnate as many females as possible. With puppies, though, it's almost as if they've all learned about male-female interactions by reading old Calvin and Hobbes comic strips.