Nothing about Hollywood is more unrealistic than the droll one-liners delivered in the heat of battle. Nobody's brain operates like that in real life -- when facing imminent destruction, most of us just manage a few mumbled words followed by the sound of retching.
Yet history records some badass trash talk that would put Schwarzenegger to shame, some spoken in dire circumstances. Of course, it takes a certain type of badass. Like ...
10King Leonidas I, the Battle of Thermopylae
We've devoted a fair amount of analysis to the events of the movie 300, not because so much of it is bullshit, but because a lot of the more awesome elements of the story are regarded by historians to be true. The Spartans' ability to trash talk is among them.
Prior to the battle, it was demanded that Sparta submit to the overwhelmingly powerful Persia by its ambassador. When he demanded that the Spartans surrender their arms, Leonidas had an answer.
"Come and take them."
(Or in the original Greek, "Molon labe.")
The Spartans are kind of famous for being able to not give a fuck in very few words, and this was their masterpiece. This simple Greek phrase somehow managed to roll every top badass one-liner into two words -- alternate interpretations include "Over my dead body" and "Bring it."
We're saying they smelled what he was cookin'.
This was, of course, the official foreplay to the Battle of Thermopylae, where a lot of the most badass, overacted lines from 300 would actually be spoken. Yes, that stuff about how Spartans would fight in the shade of the enemy's arrows and dine in hell (well, Hades) is actual, historically documented fact.
Via Wikimedia Commons
It turns out you can condense Badass into bricks.