At Cracked, we're no strangers to the weird and terrifying creations Mother Nature's animal development team comes up with. We consider it our scientific duty to keep the world informed about the continuing freak show that is the animal (and sometimes plant and fungus) kingdom.
Sometimes the results of evolution look like Mother Nature sat down with Salvador Dali and sketched out whatever Hunter S. Thompson was screaming about, things like ...
15The Snub-Nosed Monkey
Quick: What looks like someone mixed a skull monster with a clown and gave it hair? If you said La Toya Jackson ... well, OK, we'll give you that.
Not all of the monsters in the world come from the deep sea.
But thanks to photographs of the snub-nosed monkeys, we now have evidence that evolution occasionally looks like botched plastic surgery.
"Why doesn't anyone respect me?"
Snub-nosed monkeys, native to China, are what happens when God runs out of ideas. Their eyes are sunken in, their noses are skeletal and their mouths are what we imagine a doughnut's butt looks like. The monkeys can live in groups of up to 600, mostly dudes, forming some of the most gigantic, ridiculous-looking monkey colonies on earth. They are known for their colorful fur, and for the fact that they look like a species that got into mom's makeup drawer and went to town.
Facts and Details
This one looks like that girl in the yearbook who only wore lipstick for school photos but always wore a sweater with horses on it.
And this one looks like AH! Holy shit!
On second thought, we'll quit picking on the painted terror monkey.
If you think of the deep sea as some sort of earth-bound gallery of horrors ... well, this will do nothing to change that opinion.
Gulper eels live as far down as 10,000 feet below the surface, where they terrify even larger fish, because gulper eels can swallow them whole. They lack many parts that normal fish enjoy, like many major bones, a swim bladder, scales and possibly whatever fish have in place of souls, sacrificing all those things for the ability to consume anything that swims by them. They also have a bioluminescent organ on their tails to attract prey, making them nature's version of an anglerfish mixed with an umbrella dipped in fear sprinkles.
Ten thousand feet of water might be an acceptable buffer, but there's no harm in moving to Denver to put another 5,000 feet between you and them.