|
Nature seems to have a limitless supply of creativity. From giant spiders to gamma ray bursts, nature has gotten more mileage out of the same old material than the writers of The Simpsons. But sometimes the things she comes up with are so goose-fucking insane they make Crispin Glover look like Jean-Luc Picard. We're talking about creatures that seemed to have abandoned all earthly processes of evolution to achieve pure horror. Like... #13.
Deep Sea Hatchetfish A.K.A. the Fish That Will Eat Your Soul
Also known as the fish of the damned, it appears the only reason we don't hear their curse-filled lamentations is because they're underwater. Fill your aquarium with these fuckers and you'll fall asleep every night watching them silently proclaim your impending damnation. They only grow to be about four and a half inches long, but their bite-sized terror is potent--they hide in the deep during the day, then rise up at night, returning once more to the abyss as day breaks. We believe they're called hatchetfish because that's what you'll wish you had in your hand if you saw one. #12.
The Squid with Teeth (Promachoteuthis Sulcus)
Looking like a human mouth surrounded by tentacles, this thing could have come straight out of bad horror anime. Or possibly the final level of a Gradius game.
That is Promachoteuthis sulcus, an extremely rare, deep sea squid known only from a single specimen. Researchers have a science boner over the fact that these things have weird tentacle proportions, but the rest of us are just freaked out by the teeth, which we're told is an illusion: What appear to be teeth are actually lips that cover the more normal squid beak. This is the equivalent of buying novelty hillbilly teeth and wearing them all the time for no reason. Still, we're not sticking our fucking finger in there. #11.
The Fish with a Human Fucking Face
Hey, what could be creepier than a weird human mouth stuck on a sea creature? How about a whole fucking face? That is a Matsuba Koi. If that name sounds familiar, that is because they're those big gold fish found in Japanese ponds. Apparently, every so often, some types wind up with a human-looking face, and one that looks slightly pissed off.
Can you imagine being out fishing and catching that bastard? With that face looking up at you? And it calls you "daddy"? #10.
What's Worse Than a Fish with a Human Face? This.
Bullshit. That cannot be real. Evolution did not spawn a creature with a fucking yellow smiley face on its back. Science is lying to us. This is Theridion grallatora, a.k.a. the Happy Face Spider, a.k.a. a sick joke somebody is playing on the world's spider experts. Some think the terrifying cartoon face somehow evolved to ward off predators, presumably by convincing them that instead of seeing a spider, they're merely having a bad acid trip. Best to abandon dinner and go lie down for a bit. #9.
Cthulhu Larva (A.K.A. Abyssal Sea Cucumber)
The Deep Sea Holothurian, better known as an abyssal sea cucumber, sounds like a boss from Final Fantasy and looks like something Khan would attach to the brain of a Starfleet officer. It is only a few inches long, has no face and eats mud, which is exactly how we described our genitalia on Match.com. Somehow, the abyssal sea cucumber is one of the most successful ocean dwelling species, presumably because any predator would take one look at this thing and run home to sleep with the lights on in their parents' room.
#8.
A Spider with Arms... and Claws
OK, so it's not a spider. Amblypygi, or the tailless whip scorpion, looks like nature decided to take everything that creeps us the fuck out about bugs and roll them together in one sleeping bag-lurking masterpiece.
If somebody told us that a bite from this thing would explode the heads of 17 elephants, we would believe them based on this picture alone. Amazingly, the amblypygi has no venom at all and lives mostly in tropical forests and caves, doing its best to mind its own business. Well, as much as creature that looks like that can mind its own business while shoveling prey into its mouth using its fucking hands. #7.
The Giraffe Weevil A.K.A. the Thing That's On the Back of Your Neck Right Now
That's the giraffe weevil, and never has something so unsettling gotten such a cute name. It hails from Madagascar, and apparently the long freak neck is an adaption to help male weevils roll leaves into tubes for keeping their eggs. All we know is that before today we thought giant-ass insects were about the worst thing you could find in your house. Now we know it's quite a bit weirder if you just take one part of the insect and grow one part of its body to freakishly huge proportions. Hey, speaking of which... |
5 Self-Destructive Ways People Accidentally Cured Themselves
6 Fake Foods You (Will Wish You Didn't) Have in Your Kitchen
6 Natural Disasters That Were Caused by Human Stupidity
17 More Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped
how could cracked make an entry like this without the camel spider?! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRbgsCLaAQY sweet dreams!
I think that spider/ scorpion hybrid is going to be in one of my nightmares very soon.
i'd like to add another nightmare to the list the j*panese spider crab http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_spider_crab freaks me out everytime i see it >
i'd like to add another nightmare to the list the j*panese spider crab http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_spider_crab freaks me out everytime i see it >
Welcome to Shopping ======== http://www.itemscool.com Best quality, Best reputation , Best services With our advanced manufacturing, production lines and well-organized sales networks, we can provide many products, such as apparel, shoes, caps, handbags, etc. Our goal is "the best quality, best reputation and best services". Your satisfaction is our main pursue. You can find the best products from us, meeting your different needs. HOT SELL Product Brand is below: Nike Air Jordan(1-25)/Jordan Six Ring/Jordan Fusion/Nike Shox/Air Max/AF1/Dunk: $32 Polo/Ed Hardy/Lacoste/Ca/A&F ……T-shirt: Coach /Gucci/Lv/Ed Hardy/D&G/Fendi ……Handbag:$35 Christian Louboutin/Lv/Ed Hardy/Gucci/Coach/Lacoste/ Timbland……Shoe :$35 True Religion/Coogi/Evisu/Ed Hardy/Prada ……Jeans:$30 New era/Gucci/Ed hardy ……cap : $13 Okely/Coach/D&G/Fendi/Gucci/Armani ……sunglass : $15 Nike shoes: 32 $, True Religion jeans: 30 $, Ed Hardy, t-shirts: 12 $, NFL Jersey: 20 $, Boots UGG: 50 $
wanna watch free adults movies or naked pics?? pls check out for free__ClassyMingle.c o m__ . Wanna find your sexy partner easier and more effective?? Check out for free: --ClassyMingle.c o m--where you can meet the wealthy singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs. What are you waiting for? Find your sexy partner and hot movies NOW ! You will love it!
"but really the thing is just so f**king ugly that fish would rather get eaten than have to look at it" FTW quote, 'nuff said!
Welcome to Shopping →→→ http://www.dudemalls.com Best quality, Best reputation , Best services With our advanced manufacturing, production lines and well-organized sales networks, we can provide many products, such as apparel, shoes, caps, handbags, etc. Our goal is "the best quality, best reputation and best services". Your satisfaction is our main pursue. You can find the best products from us, meeting your different needs. HOT SELL Product Brand is below: Nike Air Jordan(1-25)/Jordan Six Ring/Jordan Fusion/Nike Shox/Air Max/AF1/Dunk: $32 Polo/Ed Hardy/Lacoste/Ca/A&F ……T-shirt: Coach /Gucci/Lv/Ed Hardy/D&G/Fendi ……Handbag:$35 Christian Louboutin/Lv/Ed Hardy/Gucci/Coach/Lacoste/ Timbland……Shoe :$35 True Religion/Coogi/Evisu/Ed Hardy/Prada ……Jeans:$30 New era/Gucci/Ed hardy ……cap : $13 Okely/Coach/D&G/Fendi/Gucci/Armani ……sunglass : $15 Nike shoes: 32 $, True Religion jeans: 30 $, Ed Hardy, t-shirts: 12 $, NFL Jersey: 20 $, Boots UGG: 50 $ #%^#$^@$#^@#$^@
http://www.species.com/index.spark?aBID=124099&p=3&topicID=31110239 ... ima call shinnagins on species.com
No blobfish?
I started chocking from laughing so hard, thanks for the fantastic article
"They are distinctive because, for one, they have a f**king fishing pole glued to their head." f**king hilarious article, that capped it
__ClassyMingle.com__ is the best and largest online personals site dedicated to men and women seeking a higher caliber online dating experience. Our clients include CEOs, Professional Athletes, Doctors, Lawyers, Investors, Entrepreneurs, Beauty Queens, Fitness Models, and Hollywood Celebrities, just to name a few .Everyone is welcome here. You don't have to be wealthy or famous.
Actually, if you took that squid's teeth out it would probably be a great f**k.
Honestly, the "Wolf-Trap" isn't THAT scary. Ever heard of a Japanese Hornet? Scary as s**t! Armor-Plated, Flesh Burning Poison spitting mother f**kers, killing hives of bees by the thousands. I'm sorry, but i'd personally rather be hooked by a Wolf-Trap, and eaten slowly by its massive upper jaws, than to get chased down by the bees spawned from Satan's Old Honeycombed Shit.
"mata mata, a South American turtle that looks like a cross between Bowser and Ian McShane" Hilarious.
the squid with teeth is f**ked up
Contestants on Fear Factor had to eat those spiders with the clawed arms. I'd gladly give up the several thousand dollar prize to not even have to SEE those things. And as ugly as they are, I hate that they had to be eaten alive.
Contestants on Fear Factor had to eat those spiders with the clawed arms. I'd gladly give up the several thousand dollar prize to not even have to SEE those things. And as ugly as they are, I hate that they had to be eaten alive.
So that's what a lack of natural light can do to you...
7 Secrets Only Two Living People Know (For Some Reason)
The 15 Most Shameless Fake Photos Ever Passed Off as Real
6 Creepy Urban Legends That Happen to be True (Part 3!)
The 6 Creepiest Places on Earth
The Men Who Stare At Goats: New Trailer
Curse of the Duck Hunt Dog
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Digg
Del.icio.us
Fark
