So this last year, I've been trying to do the old lose-weight-get-strong thing, so I can fit into a bikini and smash through walls. You know, the same thing millions of other Americans are striving for.
Deep down, we all want to be She-Hulk.
When I started out, I thought, naively, that different things work for different people and I should look around and try different ideas to see what works for me. I was a fool to have thought that. According to countless self-proclaimed fitness experts, there is only one way to avoid obesity and early death: their way. Among the tips you'll have screamed at -- from website and magazine headlines -- are ...
6You MUST Eat Breakfast
This advice comes with one or more all-capped words most of the time, for some reason, as if implying that if you DON'T eat BREAKFAST you might DIE.
Why is breakfast so LIFE and DEATH? Well, for one thing, breakfast supposedly will "jump-start your metabolism" and make you burn calories at a faster rate throughout the day. This is silly and jump starting your metabolism by eating is not a real thing. In fact, for one group (male athletes), not eating breakfast really jump-starts their system.
The other reason given for the supreme importance of breakfast is that if you wait until lunch, you'll be so hungry you'll eat the entire buffet, heat lamps and all, and end up taking in more total calories over the course of the day than if you'd just eaten your crappy toast and fruit at breakfast.
The trays aren't bad, if crunchy. I wouldn't recommend the tongs though.
Unfortunately, studies show that's not the case. When subjects were asked to skip breakfast, and even both breakfast and lunch, they actually ended up eating the same or fewer calories than when they'd been eating breakfast.
My point isn't that you should skip breakfast. Maybe you are starving at 7 a.m. and feel like crap if you don't eat something. Maybe you do shove your face into the salad bar at lunch and suck everything up like a vacuum if you don't get your morning cereal. Maybe you can't eat when you get up, but you like a snack at 9 a.m. when you get to work. Whatever. All I'm saying is science has proven breakfast will not solve all or any of your major life problems.
5You Must Get Your BMI Down
If you've ever tried to get fit, you've probably been introduced to the concept of BMI, or Body Mass Index. The concept is over 100-years old, and is totally showing it. BMI is more or less weight divided by height. If it's above a certain number, you're obese.
You can probably already see what the problem with that is. By that extremely oversimplified metric, Reggie Bush (pictured here) ...
... is a big old fatty. You could be 200 pounds of muscle or 200 pounds of fat (give or take some bones and blood or something) and BMI wouldn't know the difference.
That would be bad enough if BMI was just like an astrological sign or penis measurement that you use to brag groundlessly to other people. But it's not just a frivolous vanity stat, it's something that's being used to judge pretty important things, like whether you can apply for a job as a cop or firefighter, certain military jobs, or whether you can undergo surgery.
It might not be exactly the same as evaluating job applicants by reading the length of their lifeline on their palm, but it's pretty close. And do you really want anything to do with a system that has no place for guys like this?