The 7 Most Incredible Crime Sprees Carried Out by Animals

#3. Otto the Octopus and His Uncontrollable Vandalism

As anyone who's been bored enough to watch Animal Planet late at night will tell you, the octopus is a creature of very high intelligence (and occasionally, precognitive powers). But what would happen if they directed all that impressive brain power specifically toward causing trouble? World chaos, probably, because it took one octopus doing that to turn an entire aquarium upside down in Coburg, Germany.


Bored with the unbearable dullness of life in an enclosed tank (and possibly suffering from a little ADD), Otto the octopus is constantly looking for ways to keep himself entertained. And since he lives in a fucking aquarium, he needs to go to great lengths to achieve that, mostly in ways that involve being a jerk to his neighbors. Like when he starts juggling the hermit crabs, or rearranging everything inside the water tank to cause stress to its other inhabitants.

And if that isn't enough, he starts throwing rocks and cracking the glass.

Wait ... who gives rocks to an octopus?

But that's not what made Otto famous -- that would be the time he endangered the entire aquarium. In a fit of boredom, Otto decided he'd had enough of the light shining down on his tank and realized he had the intelligence and the means to do something about it. Swinging himself onto the edge of his tank, he took aim at the light and squirted a jet of water toward it, killing that light ... plus every other light in the building.

Otto's squirt short-circuited the electrical supply to the entire aquarium, which could have had fatal implications for the animals residing in it when the electrical pumps in the tanks stopped working. The aquarium workers fixed the problem as soon as they noticed it ... and then Otto did it again. And again, and again, until the staff held a three night vigil, sleeping on the floor of the aquarium, and finally realized how he was doing it.

Because they HAD to know it was him, right?

#2. Red the Dog and His Debauched Clandestine Parties

Red is a lurcher who lives at the Battersea Dogs Home in London. Within a few weeks of his arrival, strange things started happening there, with staff arriving every morning to find the rooms strewn with food and piss. Either that the dogs were somehow sneaking out of their kennels, or Keith Richards was stopping by at night.

He has no bladder.

After enduring this routine for a couple of weeks, the keepers enlisted the help of a local company to install cameras to record the nightly antics of the pooches, either to find out how they were getting out, or out of a suspicion that whatever they found would be hilarious.

What they saw was newcomer Red using his nose and teeth to open the latch of his kennel ...

... and then repeating the same procedure on the kennel of his best pal, Lucky.

The pair then patrolled the room, deciding which of their fellow canines were cool enough to come to their parties (which involved up to nine other dogs). The rest would look on in impotence and pretend they didn't even want to get invited.

In the middle of the celebration, Red would sneak away and take his girlfriend to his room for some private time.

Not before slipping her some roofies.

Trying to turn Red's outrageous behavior into something positive, a spokeswoman for the dog home remarked that lurchers aren't usually known for their intelligence and that Red is remarkably inquisitive and easy to train.

Or is HE training YOU?!

#1. Kanellos, the Legendary Riot Dog

Photographers who had been taking shots of the riots in Greece were surprised to notice that one individual could be spotted in all of them. In fact, he has shown up at every protest in the capital for the last two years and many before that. Since the country is on the brink of bankruptcy, that's a lot of protests -- meaning the rioter is either really committed to the cause or really, really bored.

The reason for the photographers' surprise: The rioter was a dog.

"Don't listen to him! Jonopolus, stop crying!"

His name is Kanellos, and he can be seen dodging cans of tear gas:

Police tried to make it look like a rioter just farted, to reduce morale.

Remaining smug when being blasted by a water cannon:

Encouraging protesters to attack the police:

"Fuck, fuck, fuck 'em!"

And patrolling the gates of Hades:

Some claim the original Kanellos died two years ago at around age 17, and the one showing up since then is his successor, Thodorius ... which would be even more awesome, because it would mean Kanellos' example is inspiring other dogs to rise up against man's oppression. By the way, he also inspired someone to record an anthem:

We can't tell you Kanellos organized all those protests too, mainly because we're afraid to get on his bad side.

You can find more from K on her blog, Bridezilla Comics.

For more animals that you should be worried about, check out 13 Real Animals Lifted Directly Out of Your Nightmares and The 6 Most Adorable Animals (To Ever Go On a Bloody Rampage).

And stop by Linkstorm to discover what really happened on Noah's Ark. is looking for a lead PHP engineer to join our team of award-winning badasses. For more info, click on this now working hyperlink!

And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed.

Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up for our writers workshop! Know way too much about a random topic? Create a topic page and you could be on the front page of tomorrow!

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!