6 Things Movie Characters Always Seem to Forget
The one thing you always have to remember about characters in a movie is that they don't know they're characters in a movie. But sometimes they seem to forget things from one episode or scene to the next that makes us think they have some kind of brain injury that has ruined their short-term memory.
Not sure what we mean? Well, we're talking about things like...
#6.
Insisting That The Paranormal Doesn't Exist (Despite Dealing With It Daily)
The victims: Ghostbusters II, Stargate SG-1, Star Trek, Indiana Jones, X-Files, Fringe
It makes perfect sense for the characters in a vampire or zombie movie to need some time to adjust to the idea that they're being attacked by vampires or zombies. We don't even mind that there's always that one character who remains in denial until the second act (aka Carl Weathers in Predator insisting their nemesis was "just some guys in camouflage").
Death, courtesy of your local Army/Navy store.
But then you have a character in a series that deals exclusively with the supernatural, who completely forgets from one episode to the next that they are in fact characters in a series dealing with the supernatural. Take Indiana Jones, so quickly dismissing the idea of psychic alien skulls in the fourth movie, in spite of having witnessed firsthand the supernatural powers of the Ark of the Covenant, the Holy Grail and Indian spirit rocks. Pretty much every artifact the man digs up has magical powers, this should not be new territory for him.
"Swamp gas."
But that's nothing compared to the X-files and Fringe, two shows with skeptical characters who seem to never manage to learn anything from their numerous encounters with Halloween beasts. Here's how basically every episode goes:
Agent 1: Wow! A thing/creature/occurrence/artifact from beyond the realm of science and nature!
Agent 2: No, that's probably just a weather balloon.
"That, or Duchovny's ego has finally assumed physical form."
How many aliens and lizard people did Agent Scully run across before she stopped rolling her eyes whenever Mulder suggested "monsters" as the solution to the next case? Fifty? A hundred? Scully, you get a nice paycheck and a robust government benefits plan to fight werewolves and vampires. Why are you embarrassed to have our dream job?
"SWAAAAAAMP GAAAAAAS!"
But nobody got screwed by this as badly as the Ghostbusters. As we've mentioned before in exhaustive detail, the entire city of New York sues the Ghostbusters for supposedly staging the ghost attack that destroyed several city blocks in the previous film, despite the fact that tens of thousands of witnesses saw it first hand. And where the hell did they think those hundreds of tons of melted marshmallow came from?
From left to right: swamp gas, LSD in the water supply, solar flare.
Then you have the selective skeptics, like in the show Medium, where everyone accepts the psychic detective's ability, but somehow still manages to second-guess her tips. Just to be clear, they believe she is communicating with ghosts but they question the reliability of the ghosts' testimony. That's like watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and believing everything but the "ninja" part.
"Karate? Isn't that the spicy shit Japanese people put on everything?"
This brings us to our next point...
#5.
Forgetting That The Main Character Is Always Right
The victims: House, X-files, Fringe, Monk, Psych, Medium
OK, so maybe we can forgive Scully for shaking her finger at Mulder every time he pins a murder on a banshee. Maybe it's just that she always hopes it's something mundane, so the goddamned report will be easy to fill out this time.
But then you have House, where even though Dr. House's co-workers and superiors give lip service to how brilliant he is, at least once an episode we need to hear him suggest some radical new and risky treatment for this week's patient only to have someone else (usually Foreman) say, "But that'll kill him!"
Maybe he'd be right more often he'd grow a real fucking goatee.
No, no it won't. House is right approximately 100 percent of the time. He may need multiple guesses but in the end he will be right and you will always, always be wrong.
Cuddy is usually wrong too, but her chest is infinitely more fun to stare at.
Likewise for the show Monk, which stars the comically depressed guy from Wings as an obsessive compulsive yet impossibly brilliant detective. The man could literally find a moldy pancake in a dumpster and use it to solve the Kennedy assassination, but for some reason a perfect prosecution record on the cases he handles doesn't stop the San Francisco PD from continually dismissing him (you know, because he's weird).
"We're sorry Mr. Monk, but your hilarious quirks clearly outweigh your years of experience and flawless investigative record."
Ironically, in one episode when he tried to persuade San Francisco's finest that an apparent traffic accident was actually an elaborately staged murder, they ignored the years of savant-like assistance he'd given them in the past because his theory didn't match up with... the testimony of a psychic. Dammit, these people need to trade detectives with Medium.
Honestly, the fact that they trust a blonde to solve cases strains our suspension of disbelief more than the whole "psychic" thing.
Which only takes us to the opposite problem, which is...
#4.
Forgetting That The Stupid Character is Stupid
The victims: TMNT, Gilligan's Island, Lost in Space, any comedy with a wacky bumbling character.
Anyone who has ever sat through an episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has probably wondered why the Shredder keeps Bebop and Rocksteady around. By all accounts it doesn't make sense. Bebop and Rocksteady manage to thoroughly botch every single task they're given, yet the Shredder still insists on including them in his evil schemes episode after episode. It's almost like he hates success more than the Turtles.
We're pretty sure pigs are more intelligent than turtles, but we could be wrong.
But, hey, he's evil. Villains are known for relying on demonstrably unreliable henchmen. Hell, we're still baffled at how Megatron could go an entire series trusting Starscream, despite the latter arguably being the most treacherous and unreliable of all henchmen.
But decades earlier on Gilligan's Island, the band of castaways suffered from the same mental omission and allowed Gilligan to continually damn any chance they have of ever getting rescued. Crucial task after crucial task was placed in his hands--during the course of the show, Gilligan failed to signal a Navy vessel while flying a fucking jetpack; managed to find and lose a submarine in a single day; and wasted a magic wishing stone on goddamned ice cream.
Can we all just agree that no one wearing bell-bottoms should, under any circumstances, be allowed to man a jetpack?
After so many incidents, why didn't anyone remember to lock Gilligan in a cave whenever a chance to escape the island appeared? Their freaking lives were at stake.
Just hold him underwater until his eyes go dead.
Likewise on Lost in Space, what stopped the Robinson family from ganging up on Dr. Smith and jettisoning his stupid ass right out the airlock? Not counting the numerous times he endangered the entire crew with his cowardice, he had all the instinct of a monkey with a coke bottle lodged in its brain (as demonstrated when he once used their scarce water supply to take a fucking shower). Someone should've busted his head open with a moon rock.
Anyone with this as a Facebook profile picture would be reported to the FBI in a matter of seconds.
The Richard Donner cut of "Superman II" does exactly what you describe for time-travel. Spoiler alert: Superman just flies backwards so fast he undoes the entire movie.
Reply#1: Oh boy, I keep thinking of that every time I watch T2. "Why do you keep shooting at him?" I yell at the screen as Sarah Connor, John Connor, and the friggin' T-800 - who supposedly knows EVERYTHING about the T-1000 - keep emptying their firearms into a guy made of liquid metal. "You're just using up all your damn bullets, you morons!" Gotta wonder if it's the characters who are utter idiots, or James "I'm The Best Filmmaker In The World" Cameron. My bet's on Cameron.
ReplyMy guess is that every time they shoot him it slows him down. The shots might be registering in his CPU somewhere that he's being damaged, and has to analyze just how bad it is. (Even the T-800 said he feels what can be interpreted as pain). It's also why when he gets a grenade to the abdomen he doesn't immediately form back into supercop.
Also, Cameron's not as bad as Spielberg.
Not using the time turners in Harry Potter is explained in the books; they smashed them all when they went to save Sirius in the department of mysteries. In case anyone doesn't know that and cares.
ReplyYes, thank you. It actually does bother me when people constantly bring that up, but then again, the goddamn movies really don't do a good job explaining *anything*, so yeah, most people blame Rowling for the plot holes that don't actually exist in the books.
Yes, I'm aware it is very un-hip to defend Harry Potter these days, and yes, I'm doing it anyway. Downvote me.
So you counter a Thing Movie Characters Always Seem To Forget with a Common Movie Argument That's Always Wrong? Yeah, that'll work.
I'm sorry, but my fanboy-nerd-ism compels me to do this:
Reply#2 Dr Who: Yes, there was a laser. But there are reasons they don't use it.
Reason 1: It's only over London, in modern times, on Earth. Most of the episodes don't happen directly above Modern-Day-Earth London.
Reason 2: It takes EXTREMELY large time to charge, and the only other situation where it could've been used was where there was a star. On Christmas. Yeah, that totally sounds "blow-up-worthy", and unlikely to cause the populace any undue fear to me.
Reason 3: The Doctor ruined the career of the prime minister that gave the order. What do you think he'd do to those that FIRED the thing? Or to any future prime ministers who tried that.
Reason 4: Torchwood, the government agency that built the laser is now under the control of Captain Jack Harkness, who'd never use it. Mainly because of his gay crush on the Doctor.
Reason 5: During the battle of Canary Wharf (Cybermen Ghosts v. Daleks from the Void, the final episodes with Rose as companion), almost the entirety of Torchwood died. Most likely including the scientists who knew how to control it.
I enjoyed Lethal Weapon One but I did find it odd that Mel Gibson's character wore a bullet proof vest since he was very reckless and somewhat suicidal in the movie.
ReplyHe was suicidal?
Yeah, he was suicidal in the first movie. He even had a special bullet he kept taking out and fondling. He was depressed over his wife's death. That was the reason they paired him up with sane, normal Danny Glover in the first place.
#5 for Monk may have started off that way in his character past and near the beginning but throughout the series that changes. Instead the chief turns from mocking unbeliever to best friend and staunch supporter of Monk. Most of the time what they show about people distrusting him is because of when characters meet him for the first time and so only then witness his quirks. How many times have you had knowledge of a person by reputation only then meeting them for the first time and finding out that they're nothing like you pictured? Have you never underestimated someone after seeing them despite whatever record they supposedly hold? It is only human nature to still develop doubts when one can't yet connect the actual personal encounter with the impersonal reputation.
ReplyVests are expensive, and in real life not every Cop wears one, and certainly not ever real life "Villian" is going to invest in the personal protection of each "Henchmen". Not to mention some people don't want them precisely cause their Bulky and prefer to take the risk. In TDK Bruce explicitly chooses less Bullet protection for more mobility.
ReplyAlso many PDs require cops purchase their own vests, precisely because of the cost, which is a driving force behind why many cops don't wear them.
And for you Pic for 5, House is still Wrong often, as he himself said "I"m almost always eventually right" he's often wrong getting there. House is smart enough to know he wouldn't succeed so often with a room full of Yes men.
ReplyI don't see why this was thumbed down when it is true. House really does know it himself which is why he even got rid of that old guy applicant who continuously kept having almost the same guesses as he did. He considered it useless to just have another guy with the same ideas he had as he needed instead people who could give him ideas he couldn't think of.
House understood full well that he needed people he could bounce ideas off of, helping him eliminate possibilities or consider new ones. It is wrong to say that House is always eventually right and thus didn't need his team is ignorant of how he works with his team. Sometimes, for example, he does get a correct assessment in the end... because he decides his own initial assessment was wrong and one of his team member's ideas was closer to being right all along.
Number 6 isn't a matter of denying it exists, but just of not always jumping to that as that Answer. As a devote Cristian I believe in Demons and Angels as definitively as any fictional character who's actually seen them, I still bring a healthy grain of salt to every claim.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesSince you spelled Christian wrong, I call into question just how devote you really are.
I think the tense you need here is past: "devoted". Unless you really meant devout. There is a key difference between the two; nevertheless, both applicable. However, I will assume you either meant :devout", or, "devoted" (the proper tense here), Grammer and spelling Nazis I hate, but I hate it even more when they are wrong.
FaceSmashAsh, please tell me you were being ironic with your spelling of Grammar.
"Grammer and spelling Nazis I hate, but I hate it even more when they are wrong."
"Grammer and spelling Nazis I hate"
"Grammer"
Do you hate yourself?
In terms of the time turner debacle, there's no way a time turner would have helped. Generally, people point out that Harry could have gone back in time to save his parents. However, the reality is that Harry's parents had to die in order for the prophecy to be fulfilled, and for Harry to be made Voldemort's equal. If Lilly and James hadn't died, Voldemort would not have been defeated.
ReplyBeyond that, Rowling's theory of time is such that you can't move forward in time at will. You have to wait in the past to catch up to the future. When they saved Sirius, they only had to go back 3 hours or so. Thus, catching up with the present was easy. If you went back several years, you would have to remain in the past for that same amount of time. The longer you stay in the past, the more likely it is that you'll run into your past selves, and mess something up.
Someone could have made the sacrifice to go back to when Voldemort was still a kid, as in Tom Riddle, before he became powerful at all, and killed him, or imprisoned him, or put him into shock therapy or whatever. That would have saved countless lives.
NNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!
All the Time Turners are destroyed in the Battle of the Ministry, in HP. JK explains that plot hole. Read the books.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesYou honestly believe that was the complete collection of Time Turners in the universe, and no more can ever be made?
Also, to throw in some Bill&Ted logic, "once I have a Time Turner, I'm going to go back in time to hide one here, so that I'll have one to go back in time and hide a Time Turner."
"You honestly believe that was the complete collection of Time Turners in the universe, and no more can ever be made?"
Doesn't matter if that's what we believe or not. Per canon, that WAS the entirety of the supply. It's possible more could be made, I'm sure, but for whatever reason, they hadn't been.
And to add on to this, their use was HEAVILY regulated. Not every Tom, Dick, and... well... Harry, had access to them. Hermione only had hers after Profs Dumbledore and McGonagall jumped through hoops in order to get her one (probably for the very reason that the author thought of it--some things, you simply oughtn't meddle with).
Also we have no idea the time it takes to make a time-turner, the resources or any special conditions like an ingredient plucked on a fullmoon yadda yadda yadda.
All the ones in existence (at least in Britain) were destroyed in the Department of Mysteries.
Oh my god, Jack Bauer from 24 works perfectly for #5, forgetting that the good guy is always right. Everybody needs to trust him more.
ReplyOld joke, but if people actually listened to Jack, the show would be called 3.
Also, like House, Jack is frikkin' insane. Of course, if you're going to keep the lunatic on the payroll, you might as well let him do his job...
The Batman one is definitely one I've considered, especially in the Arkham video games. Some of the bad guys are scared so clearly Batman has a reputation for beating them up mercilessly, but a good deal of them talk about how they want Batman to show up so they can kick his ass. Some of them keep fighting surrounded by 20 or so of their knocked biological twin brothers.
ReplyWho told you that the Firefly characters don't wear bulletproof vest?
ReplyWhy can't you assume that they just do?
I mean... you had to make an exception for the one time a character IS shot in the chest and gets up thanks to the vest. Do you expect the show to repeat the same scene over and over? That would be quite boring.
IIRC, three people get shot in the chest in the entire show.
One has a vest, one is a priest (in the early, not-fighting-for-his-life part of the show) and the last one is the guy who was (SPOILER) pretending to be dead.
um, and the fourth was a mechanic... actually she was shot before Book so she'd be number two.
She was shot in the stomach, not chest.
Another example of #4: Team Rocket.
ReplyI think I read somewhere that Giovanni only keeps Jesse and James around because it makes people take Team Rocket less seriously, and distracts from the main operation... I might be wrong though; I might be charitable towards the guy because I fancied him when I was about ten.
That is correct, their entire mission is a wild goose chase.
Regarding #3, movie heroes don't even need an entire vest, just one large pauldron should do the trick: fully 80% of all gunshot wounds sustained by movie heroes are to the left shoulder region.
ReplyWell... That stargate does get destroyed in the process, so you can't really go around and blow up suns on a daily basis... Earth don't really have to many of those little darlings!
ReplyI may be remembering wrong, but doesn't X-Files imply several times that Fox is, in fact, very frequently wrong? Like he prefers the supernatural explanation to everything but most of the time is incorrect, they just don't make those instances into shows because they're boring. I could be mistaken, I just seem to remember that justification.
ReplyVery enjoyable, but I reckon the reason people keep going after Batman is because he seems like you could beat him down. In the moments of adrenaline, they think they can kick the snot out of him, even though they clearly can't. I mean he's a giant f*****g bat.
ReplyAgree with this. I've witnessed some hilariously mismatched brawls before. Mostly in pubs, though...meaning generally the people involved were some degree of drunk, so they had another reason to overestimate their fighting abilities, but I can easily see the same happening with a bunch of thugs trying to take down Batman.
And a corollary to #3 - overstating what a bulletproof vest does. Yes, it can save your life if you get shot. Probably not at point-blank range, though, and if it does, it doesn't allow you to just shrug it off and keep going. You would still be very, very injured. You'd be alive, but a trip to the hospital would still be a good idea.
ReplyYes, but remember, if that were to happen in a movie/ TV show it would be very lame.
Plus no one mentions that bulletproof vests are heavy. It's not something you'll run around in on a daily basis (although that argument does not hold in movies/series where people have infinite amount of bullets)...