5 Incredibly Impractical Sexual Fetishes

#2. Mechanophilia, a.k.a. Car Fucking

We were about to say that this fetish is about people wanting to fuck cars, but if you put "car fucking" in a Google search this is what you get:

We'd make fun of those car-fucking dragons, but it actually looks like they're having an awesome time up there. Who are we to judge? Also, here's a question for discussion: If you were walking past that garage and saw that going on inside, would you tell anyone?

Or would it linger in your thoughts?

Representative Website:

Car Lovers Stories. Oh, how many an antique car collector has stumbled across this site in a search of a fellow enthusiast to converse with about leather upholstery restoration.

Typical Comment:

The tailpipe isn't the only option! If it interests you get hold of a silicon sleeve from Clone Zone or some other tool to make life easier on your tool. Typically a rubber, silicon or similar sheath can also be used elsewhere, especially if you are a cut gentleman.

Such concern for our junk! Buddy, it's you who is the gentleman.

Just get that woman out of the way and you're good to go.

If you enjoy the body of a car, then licking, kissing, caressing and the normal actions of foreplay work well.

Ahhhh, foreplay?! There's a fetish that involves lengthy foreplay? We thought that was the whole advantage of fucking an inanimate object. How about we just get a rental and skip the foreplay?

Roleplay involving the car is another spice. Needless to say solo roleplay requires vivid imagination and the ability to suspend rational thought.

Roleplay? Like you're with a girl and she makes engine noises? Or you're with a Mustang and pretend it's a Camaro?

Despite my own enjoyment, a car isn't actually a person. Except during sex LOL.

Ah, so it's like a Princess and the Frog scenario. Only here somebody comes home and finds an empty driveway, and a hand-written note from you explaining their car turned into a woman after you fucked it.

But Why?

Ask Edward Smith, who already is the stuff of Cracked legend for claiming to have had his way with more than 1,000 cars. And the helicopter from Airwolf. Admit it, fetish or not, that's pretty badass.

And really... there are some cars that are a hell of a lot sexier than any of the robots they're currently making.

Seriously, if you had to pick one...

Typical Mechanophiliac's Come On Lines:

Pretty much the same as yours since every guy's pickup lines are car metaphors anyway.

"You get my motor running."

"I'd like to take a look under your hood."

"I think you need a lube and oil."

"I'd like to crush you into a cube."

#1. Macrophilia, a.k.a. Giant Fucking

These fetishists are attracted to giants. No, they are not aroused by My Giant, the much beloved Billy Crystal movie, but more like Jack and the Beanstalk giants or Paul Bunyan. More to love, right?

Representative Website:

The Giantess Shrine. It appears that giant fetish relationships are symbiotic. Women get online describing themselves as giantesses and men interact with them describing what they'd like these giant women to do. Presumably this has led to some hugely disappointing real-life meet-ups.

Typical Comment:

(she) stood up with a incredible 120 feets tall, in that moment my dick was burning up for some action, then she walk up close to me and lift me up and just reap my jeans and start sucking my dick like a bitch with a amazing strength and delicacy and when I started to have a very nice pleasure sensation and aim to a orgasm.

Honestly, we may give this an "A" for imaginative grammar, but an "F" for math. A 120-foot woman applying her Buick sized lips to your lil' biffy? That would be like trying to give blow job to a grain of rice. Please check your work next time.

But Why?

Giving up control is a common theme in fetish land. Think powerful politicians who like to get ball-gagged and take a stiletto heel to the groin from a dominatrix. The giant fetish is just a further extension of that theme, because nothing says "loss of control" like suffocating inside a tool shed-sized vagina.

Typical Macrophiliac's Come On Line:

"How about we get out of here, go back to my place and I'll slip into something more comfortable... like your nostril."

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For more disturbing fetishes, check out 5 Ridiculous (Safe for Work) Fetishes and An Illustrated Look at the World's 25 Strangest Fetishes.

Or visit our Top Picks and try not to have sex with your monitor.

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