5 Ridiculous (Safe for Work) Fetishes

Some fetishes are really easy to understand. A silk stocking fetish, hell, everybody's down with that. Or a fetish that involves a naked woman rubbing her boobs on another naked woman.

But some are so far out there that they seem to have left the entire concept of sex far behind. These strangely safe-for-work fetishes are, in some ways, far more disturbing than anything involving poop or anime tentacles. Such as...

We all associate piggyback rides with children on their parents' shoulders at fairs and the occasional drunken nights when transporting passed out friends to a taxi. You likely don't think of this as a turn-on unless it's in a pool and you've got a girl on your shoulders who's up for an arousing game of "chicken fight" which, according to the videos we've seen, end up with everyone naked.

But then there are the fetishists who just plain get off on riding the shoulders of other people.

As one piggyback enthusiast puts it: "A month ago, when intoxicated, I asked another male friend from Canada to piggyback me. Although the entire session only lasted a minute or two, my sexual drive (not specifically for him) suddenly sparked, more than alcohol can ever do. Halfway through the piggyback, I maneuvered myself to hold on his front, dangling there like a koala."

We imagine this fetish revolves around trust and security. Oh, and crazy. Trust, security and crazy. Through our countless hours of research and sleepless nights, we've come to the conclusion that piggybackers find themselves trapped in a sexually arousing power struggle. The piggybackee can offer suggestions on speed and direction, but it's ultimately up to the piggybacker to control the situation. "You want to go left? Fuck you, I'm going right." Is this turning you on? It's confusing us.

It Gets Weirder...

This fine man below was gracious enough to let the world see his fetish. In his own words, "I like it very much to ride on older men. I can sit on the old man of about four minutes and bouncing on his shoulders."

Were you expecting something else? The guy likes to ride old men. Congratulations humanity. Then again, maybe we should give Ralphmunic the benefit of the doubt. He's living his dream. What are you doing with your life?

YouTube Responds:

"Love your videos! I like to ride on, sit on and trample folk. I'm 6' and 16.5stone/231 lbs (183cm and 105kg)and live in south UK. If any of you guys want to be riden hard, sat on or trampled under my feet and/or enjoy a good beasting, contact me!"

"But,if you can do so,try to ride him(the old man),with your ass full of shit,you know,after you do poo-poo....,would you like it?"

So, you're searching YouTube and you suddenly notice a suspicious number of seemingly innocent videos involving balloons. Specifically, people slowly inflating balloons until they pop. The comments seem strangely enthusiastic about the whole thing. Way too enthusiastic.

Congratulations, you've stumbled across the community of "looners," or balloon fetishists. Watch the below video and realize that somewhere, it's giving somebody an enormous boner:

To them, we guess balloons make the perfect girlfriend. They don't talk back, they come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes and no one will ask questions when you inevitably punch them in a helium induced rage, a la Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet.

"I want you inside me."

Though we're not sure how that works with the whole "make them pop" part which, if they're sexualizing the balloons, you'd think that'd be a form of murder. Then they'd have to go to balloon prison. Which is, incidentally, the most easily escapable prison known to man.

It Gets Weirder...

In the dark underworld of balloon fetishists, size matters, and the real prizes are gigantic weather balloons. So we have the below upstanding gentleman who wants to crawl inside of his balloon girlfriend and, oh, we don't know, hang out? What would you do in there besides gasp for air? Luckily for us, and unluckily for billoon45, it goes horribly awry. We end up with a dead girlfriend, and this on his "third try," too:

YouTube Responds:

"wow thats cool but just out of curiosity y did you blow a baloon up untill it poped???"

"Gotta comment again! That is one serious balloon blow to BUST!!! How often can you get a balloon to shred like that? That poor beautiful balloon held on for everything it was worth! But you didn't let up! At the end it gets HARD for me to watch! BYE BYE BALLOON!"

This is kind of like the balloon fetish, but with a fun twist. Instead of blowing air into a party favor, you stick a bicycle pump inside your danger zone and inflate your own body until you feel like you're going to burst. You get the farts for hours after you do it, and these guys talk about that like it's a plus. Normal people get a stomachache after swallowing air and trying to burp, so we think it's pretty easy to see what these guys are going through.

"You had me at 'psheeeeeeee.'"

Besides having massive online communities dedicated to the practice of filling tummies with air, there are also millions (OK, tens) of YouTube accounts whose sole purpose is to show videos of stomachs growing slightly larger.

The key here, of course, is safety. Most of the websites detailing how to fill your stomach with air are adorned with disclaimers and warnings because, you know, the type of person who is into inflating their own body must be worried about consequences.

It Gets Weirder...

This gentle giant has moved beyond using simple bicycle pumps into territory that only the bravest inflationists tread. Instead, he's using an electric air compressor.

In inflateandstuff's own words: "Towards the end it really felt like I was gonna blow. It's 260 psi, very fast, very powerful, and NO ONE should ever try to do this with a compressor." Thanks. We won't.

YouTube Responds:

"MORE please sir can we have some more,,, and PATS more pats i love the hallow sound,,, i hope u have been doing it alot more to stretch ur belly for a greater result!!! LOVE this vid pls do more i love how fast and huge u get i wanna see bigger!!!"

"i wonder how i would look if i did that which i want to."